EP. 115 Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe

[00:00:05] Speaker A: You are listening to an atomic broadcasting production. So sit back, relax and enjoy the feature presentation. [00:00:13] Speaker B: And remember, do your part. [00:00:15] Speaker A: Such as like comment rate and don't forget to tell a friend to tune in for an atomic time. [00:00:31] Speaker C: Now, where did we leave off? [00:00:34] Speaker A: Ah, yes. [00:00:37] Speaker C: While making preparations for the journey to Irusin, Val finished the painting to the Dead Roads and travelled there with everyone but Uvair, who stayed attending his own business meeting. The head usher of the underworld himself, Barzok. Val was granted the opportunity to become a mortal herald and divine usher of the dead roads in his service. When Val requested access to the boneyard itself to help Neros, Barzak denied her and she gave a heartfelt ultimatum. If he did not grant them access, she would refuse his offer of usherhood. [00:01:28] Speaker D: Put that gnome away. [00:01:29] Speaker B: I did. I sat him down. [00:01:32] Speaker A: I learned something really interesting from one of my co workers at work, which all of most of my co workers are actually car people. [00:01:41] Speaker E: So a car I never would have known. [00:01:44] Speaker A: Yeah, no kidding. But have you ever heard the phrase it's a doozy? [00:01:51] Speaker E: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:01:53] Speaker A: Watch out for that first step. It's a doozy. [00:01:55] Speaker D: What's a doozy? [00:01:56] Speaker A: You've never heard that? [00:01:57] Speaker B: He's lying. [00:01:59] Speaker A: How do you guys do you guys know the origin of that? Because I didn't. [00:02:06] Speaker D: Isn't it like Pennsylvania or something? [00:02:08] Speaker B: Oh, yes, it's Pennsylvania. [00:02:10] Speaker E: Everything's Pennsylvania. [00:02:12] Speaker B: It's all Pennsylvania all the way down. [00:02:14] Speaker A: It is actually. It is from the 1920s and it actually refers to the Duesenberg model J luxury automobile. [00:02:26] Speaker B: Did it have a really high step? [00:02:29] Speaker A: No, no, it had nothing to do. It was like the. It's like the Rolls Royce of vehicles back then. [00:02:36] Speaker D: What was the name of this vehicle? [00:02:37] Speaker A: The Duesenberg model J. Doofen. [00:02:40] Speaker D: Look out for that step. It's a Dusenberg model J. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Well, it's. It's because the phrase is like. It's a Duesenberg, it's a doocy. It's like that's a really. [00:02:51] Speaker B: Sorry, what we're saying is that step is the best step. [00:02:56] Speaker A: Yes, like that's a really nice step. Oh yeah, that's a lot of people. I also was like, oh. That's usually used in kind of a negative connotation, but it was actually meant to be like dagger. [00:03:09] Speaker B: There's a word for that where things flop, meaning, oh, she's beautiful actually. [00:03:14] Speaker A: Oh, it's a gorgeous car. It is at in 1920s, it was 265 horsepower and had a top speed of 119 miles an hour. [00:03:25] Speaker E: This Car is making my mouth water. [00:03:27] Speaker A: It held the land speed record for a few decades. [00:03:31] Speaker E: Like, yeah, my mouth is watering because. [00:03:35] Speaker D: The roadrunner gorge it. [00:03:38] Speaker E: It's beautiful. [00:03:38] Speaker A: It's gorgeous. [00:03:39] Speaker E: A beautiful classic car. [00:03:41] Speaker B: It's very pretty. [00:03:42] Speaker D: I feel like I've seen it in. [00:03:43] Speaker B: A lot of movies. [00:03:44] Speaker A: It was a straight eight. [00:03:45] Speaker F: I love that. [00:03:46] Speaker E: I don't understand the phenomenon. I see a classic car, my mouth starts watering. [00:03:52] Speaker B: Literally. It's a thing. [00:03:53] Speaker A: So now you know why it's a doocy. Was like a dag. [00:03:59] Speaker E: It's beautiful. [00:04:01] Speaker F: Who is your pav? Love, Abby. [00:04:02] Speaker B: I was about to say. I'm going to actively lie now. When you were a child, you don't remember this, but when you were around three years old, your father took you to car shows and anytime you saw an old car, he would give you a little treat. [00:04:16] Speaker A: And you went to a really good, really good car show there, bro. [00:04:22] Speaker E: I don't know. I just know when I see a classic car, my mouth starts watering and I'm like, why? What is that? [00:04:27] Speaker A: This could keep up on today's roads. Easy. [00:04:30] Speaker C: Oh yeah. [00:04:31] Speaker E: It's so pretty, those white wall tires. [00:04:34] Speaker A: But yeah, they're millions of dollars. [00:04:35] Speaker E: Oh, they're so gorgeous. [00:04:38] Speaker A: So anyway, that's the origin of. It's a doozy. [00:04:40] Speaker B: I don't like that origin. Can I unlearn that, please? [00:04:43] Speaker A: No. [00:04:44] Speaker F: One thing I don't like about car hobbies is that it's like a super expensive hobby. Oh, yeah. They'll buy cars, fix them, sell them, sometimes at a loss. And it's just like, how do you have 20,000? [00:04:56] Speaker B: I can't even. The people that I used to know, what they would do is they would get a car, like an old. Just like a body of a car, slowly build it up, and then sell it to buy another car. [00:05:06] Speaker F: Exactly. [00:05:06] Speaker D: A lot of people do that with their Warhammer armies. Yeah, they'll build them up, play a while, and sell them when the meta changes. Yes. [00:05:14] Speaker A: And from what I've seen, Warhammer. Warhammer armies are about a tier below car people. [00:05:23] Speaker B: In terms of cost. That's saying something because you're buying. It's plastic. [00:05:28] Speaker D: Listen, I'm not a comic also, really. I'm also a comic book collector. Reader. I don't like. [00:05:34] Speaker A: So those two combined, I'd say you're about even. [00:05:37] Speaker B: Yeah, he only collects comic books. [00:05:40] Speaker E: He says that like he is in, like, in shame. [00:05:43] Speaker D: I haven't spent a lot on comics lately. [00:05:45] Speaker B: He doesn't have lately. [00:05:46] Speaker A: Because you've been into Warhammer, my friend. [00:05:49] Speaker D: Some Months. It's both pretty good, but yeah, I, I. [00:05:53] Speaker A: There is no shame. Like, by all means, if you have a hobby, something that makes you happy, if you have the budget, then do it. Like genuinely. [00:06:01] Speaker F: Unless enjoy it. And don't do it unless it's a bad habit. [00:06:04] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:06:05] Speaker D: Cloud watching. Exit. [00:06:07] Speaker A: Cloud watching. Stop spending money on cloud watching. [00:06:10] Speaker E: If you're spending money on cloud watching, you're doing it wrong. [00:06:13] Speaker D: It's called gas bird watching. [00:06:16] Speaker B: I bought binoculars so I could see the farther away clouds. [00:06:20] Speaker F: Guys, I wear glasses. I have to pay to see clouds. [00:06:24] Speaker E: I. I understand. I understand, petite. [00:06:28] Speaker B: You don't have glasses to look at clouds. [00:06:30] Speaker E: You have glasses that looks like a puff ball. That looks like a puff ball. That looks like a smaller pu. [00:06:37] Speaker B: Professional cloud watchers. [00:06:39] Speaker D: Yes. [00:06:39] Speaker A: Yes. [00:06:41] Speaker B: I love that. Cloud watching as a sport. Watch your local weather to find out. [00:06:46] Speaker C: No. [00:06:46] Speaker E: Cloud watching as a sport are storm chasers. [00:06:49] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:06:51] Speaker D: Those nerds. [00:06:52] Speaker E: Hey, hey. [00:06:53] Speaker A: Sports betting. [00:06:53] Speaker E: You're talking storm chasers. [00:06:54] Speaker A: Don't call. [00:06:55] Speaker E: Don't call my people nerds. [00:06:57] Speaker D: You see? What? You mean to tell me I'm an F5? [00:07:00] Speaker B: This is an F5. F5. F5. F4. [00:07:02] Speaker F: F4. [00:07:02] Speaker A: No, it's an F3. Oh, I win. [00:07:05] Speaker B: Okay, your betting pool is a lot. [00:07:06] Speaker C: You need to tell. [00:07:07] Speaker D: Tell me that people who watch storms and go chase storms down are not nerds. [00:07:14] Speaker E: Well, maybe in a certain type of way we are. I'm sorry, have you heard them talk. [00:07:18] Speaker A: About the storms and the science and that goes in them. [00:07:21] Speaker C: Them. [00:07:21] Speaker A: Them storm chasers? [00:07:22] Speaker E: I'm not. Does he not know that I am one of them? [00:07:26] Speaker C: I don't think you know. [00:07:28] Speaker E: He's using since I was 12. [00:07:31] Speaker A: Oh. [00:07:32] Speaker E: I am a trained storm spotter. [00:07:34] Speaker D: Have you referenced science that inherited apparently makes it very nerdy. [00:07:40] Speaker F: You guys are really stigmatizing the word nerd. It can be literally anything. You could be a car nerd. You can be a storm nerd. You could be anything. It doesn't have to be science, petite. [00:07:49] Speaker C: I. [00:07:49] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:07:50] Speaker A: You're right. [00:07:51] Speaker B: However, you could do that with any word. [00:07:52] Speaker F: No, I'm literally nerd. You're so stigmatizing it. [00:07:57] Speaker C: Speaking of astigmatism or dork. [00:08:00] Speaker B: Astigmatism. [00:08:01] Speaker F: I get it. I hate to buy glasses. [00:08:04] Speaker C: Speaking of astigmatism or astigmata or, you know, just stigging. Let's get back into life stigging. [00:08:12] Speaker E: It better not be an actual thing. [00:08:14] Speaker D: What do you mean once? [00:08:15] Speaker E: Hang on. [00:08:16] Speaker C: I'm sticking myself out of this hole. [00:08:19] Speaker F: Back to classic cards. [00:08:20] Speaker E: Sticking refers to the Process of hardening a computer system to meet the security requirements outlined in a security technical implement guide. [00:08:28] Speaker A: I love that. [00:08:29] Speaker C: That's exactly how I meant that. [00:08:31] Speaker F: There you go. [00:08:32] Speaker D: Sticking out of this hole. [00:08:33] Speaker E: There you go. Oh, that's hilarious. [00:08:38] Speaker C: We are going to get back into the game. [00:08:41] Speaker E: How? [00:08:42] Speaker A: Where am I sticking? [00:08:46] Speaker C: We're gonna pick up with Uwe. So, Uwe, what have you been doing? While the rest of the party was delving into places mortals were not supposed. [00:08:55] Speaker A: To trod, he was in the castle. And he was sitting at what used to be the giant's food table at that desk. Spread out across it, he had what the rest of the party would recognize as his journals. Some neatly stacked over in a corner of the table, a few others just spread around. And then one sitting in front of him that he's just writing in. And for a little while, if you looked over his shoulder, it would just be kind of a dictation of what had been happening, what the party had been up to. Just little notes of things that he's noticed. And then as he's doing it, you just see the writing trail off for a moment as he gets lost in thought and looks up, staring out across the dining room and out the open door. And he frowns, sets down that pen and grabs the staff and says a quick incantation. When last we spoke, you said we had little time. Now I wish to make time. Can we meet? I have so much I wish to discuss. [00:10:24] Speaker C: At that moment, Uvair out of your focus, you just hear a voice. I say, uwe. As Sirdire walks up behind you. [00:10:38] Speaker A: Uvaire starts for a moment. Sedaya. And he turns around. [00:10:46] Speaker C: I'm sorry, am I. Am I interrupting something? [00:10:50] Speaker A: No. What can I do for you? [00:10:54] Speaker C: Well, I just came by to deliver this, and. He holds out an envelope of parchment. It's some additional details on your next mark that you're heading after the weird cutter, I believe, just in case there's any more details and that might help you pinpoint the location. Just some more research I'd been able to put into. Now that I know what your focus is. [00:11:18] Speaker A: Thank you, Serdire. I'll. I'll be sure to share it with the rest of the party. [00:11:23] Speaker C: Of course. Where is everyone? [00:11:28] Speaker A: Val and Neros had some business that they had to take care of, and the rest of the group went to go help someone. I elected to stay behind and watch the castle. [00:11:41] Speaker C: That seems reasonable. You know, while I'm here, there's one thing that's been bugging me. Fafnir. [00:11:53] Speaker A: Yes? It is a general conundrum. [00:12:00] Speaker C: Well, I mean, more specifically. So Fafnir came out of nowhere, just burst out to the side of the mountain, coincidentally timed with the fall of Aerid, and then leveled half of the town and is just gone. Every time I've tried to look into where he is or what he's doing, there's no news. Nobody's seen him. So where is he? What. What's going on? [00:12:32] Speaker A: Uvert following the whole conversation. And then suddenly his eyes widen in realization of what Serdire is saying. You're right. He's searching for anything in his memories, just trying to make sense of what it. What that could mean. [00:12:59] Speaker C: And of course, I don't expect you to have any answers, but just on your travels, as you explore, if you should come across any hints or clues. [00:13:13] Speaker A: You can see the frustration of. He feels like he should have more information. But what could it have been if. If it wasn't Zeophafnir? Or what could have the power that it displayed? [00:13:34] Speaker C: Cyrdire. Just like suddenly his eyes widen, he grabs his. Like his hair and starts tugging on. You think that wasn't actually Fafnir? [00:13:44] Speaker A: If that wasn't Fafnir. If for whatever reason, what we saw was either an illusion or a creation of some sort to mimic Fafnir, then what could it be? [00:14:01] Speaker C: Because you're right. [00:14:02] Speaker A: The. The fact that he wasn't seen or hasn't been seen either it means that he immediately went into hiding. Or. Only one way to know. [00:14:18] Speaker C: You're right. Research. I will head back to my library immediately. And he starts gathering up the scrolls and papers that seem to have just stumbled out of his pockets. As he stopped, he's like, I'll let you know if I find anything. Starts running back out of the courtyard. [00:14:37] Speaker A: Uver kind of numbly watches him run off and then goes back and sits down at the table. There would be only one way to know, and that would be good. To see him and see if he is there. [00:15:00] Speaker C: Then, through your meditations, through your thoughts. Uwe, you hear a voice. And I'd like everyone else to take off their headphones. [00:15:10] Speaker B: No. [00:15:11] Speaker D: Does it say, you up, you open. [00:15:18] Speaker C: Uver? What you hear is, you are right. There is much to discuss when sleep comes for you. Do not fight it. [00:15:30] Speaker B: It's been a minute since we've done that. [00:15:32] Speaker C: And with that, we're going to go ahead and change scenes back to the strange liminal space between the land of the living and the land of the dead, where our party is in a shadowy courtyard of the Dead roads speaking to Barzok. Sam, would you please summarize Val's argument that she had ended the last episode with? [00:15:58] Speaker E: Good luck, buddy. [00:16:00] Speaker D: Hey, bro. What's up? What's this? All this is crazy. You know, all this time Val's been serving for asthma and Shaylen, she already has instructions of things essentially to finish up that she's aware of a mission that she's on and she feels like it would be actively refuting that mission and not acting responsibly. Slash acting against all of the traits that he specifically wanted Val for this. Her compassion and such. She felt that this not going forward with helping along this mission that she was given and helping this her friend would be discompassionate and would also go against like Pharasma herself. And that she should be allowed to wrap that stuff up as needed. Essentially, that kind of argument that. Yeah, feels like it'd be a betrayal of everything he wanted her for to immediately red egg on this. [00:17:06] Speaker C: That sounds like a good argument. So go ahead and make your diplomacy check. [00:17:12] Speaker D: Can I use my roll from last time? [00:17:14] Speaker C: No. [00:17:15] Speaker D: Are you sure? [00:17:15] Speaker C: Yeah. Cause it was. It was outside. I was after I said the end. [00:17:18] Speaker D: Of the episode, but I told you what it was. [00:17:20] Speaker C: I don't know what it was. So we'll need. We'll need a new. We'll need a new roll, but go ahead and take a plus two circumstance bonus. If your religion bonus is higher, you can use that instead. [00:17:33] Speaker D: With a plus two? [00:17:34] Speaker C: Yes, with that same plus two. [00:17:36] Speaker D: Well, that would make it a 37. [00:17:39] Speaker E: That's not too shabby. [00:17:40] Speaker D: It's a 13 on the die. I could use this hero and try to get higher. Is 37 enough? [00:17:51] Speaker B: You should just do it. [00:17:52] Speaker C: Keep the economy flowing. [00:17:55] Speaker D: Okay. [00:17:56] Speaker B: Did it help? [00:17:57] Speaker D: So it went up by three. 40. [00:18:00] Speaker C: You got a 40? [00:18:03] Speaker D: Yes. [00:18:07] Speaker C: So Barzok tilts his head to the side a little bit. Bit as if he's thinking and he dips his head. That does make sense. I will support your endeavor to visit the Boneyard. What was it you said you were going there to do? [00:18:32] Speaker D: Talk to that. I already told him, I guess talking to Corvus of Psychophone, who's been speaking with Nyeris about things relating to her fat lineage. [00:18:45] Speaker C: Indeed. As I had mentioned last we'd spoken, Corvus is not a psychopomp on any of my registries. [00:18:53] Speaker D: Are there often psychopomps? Not in your registries, no. Okay, interesting. [00:19:02] Speaker E: Have there ever been psychopomps not on your registries? [00:19:06] Speaker C: I was not aware of Corvus. [00:19:08] Speaker E: Okay. [00:19:10] Speaker C: So it is possible that there are those that I am unaware of. [00:19:14] Speaker D: I guess you don't know what you don't know. [00:19:18] Speaker C: Ain't that the truth, sister. [00:19:23] Speaker E: So awkward. [00:19:24] Speaker D: Yeah. Okay. Can we just go back to that gate we were at? [00:19:30] Speaker C: Yes. You will retread your steps back to the first gate you'd encountered. He hands out clay tablets to each of you with a different stamp on them. These are your passes that will permit you to go to the boneyard. Should this tablet become damaged, you will be immediately returned to the material plane. So guard them with care. [00:19:53] Speaker B: That's handy. [00:19:54] Speaker D: If we get returned, will we be able to come back the same way. [00:20:00] Speaker C: Through the painting that you had restored? [00:20:02] Speaker D: Yes. [00:20:03] Speaker C: Yes. [00:20:03] Speaker D: Ah, that's nice. [00:20:05] Speaker C: Your entrance to this realm will be undamaged, but you will have lost the authorization to tread these paths. [00:20:12] Speaker B: Do we have to get the authorization every time we come back, or only. [00:20:16] Speaker C: To a certain point? As Val continues in her metamorphosis, she will be able to authorize you of her own. Right. And there is, of course, this being who seems to require no authorization to tread where she chooses. [00:20:33] Speaker E: Don't like that he called me a being. [00:20:36] Speaker B: I mean, I'm a being. [00:20:37] Speaker E: I know, but it sounds like I'm something else entirely. [00:20:40] Speaker B: No, I get it. [00:20:41] Speaker F: He's talking about beans. [00:20:42] Speaker B: No, being. [00:20:43] Speaker C: Oh, okay. Allow me to put it this way. Neros, was it? [00:20:48] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:50] Speaker C: My role is to guide the souls of those who die to the boneyard to face judgment. He tilts his head the other way. If you were to perish, I do not know where I would take you. [00:21:04] Speaker E: Do I have a soul? [00:21:07] Speaker C: I do not know. [00:21:09] Speaker B: Let me just pull out my dagger. Herald, still nervous. [00:21:15] Speaker C: He, like, squints, then shakes his head, like. Almost as if something was like. Almost like something hurt. Let us dwell no further on that. [00:21:26] Speaker D: So if I use my. [00:21:27] Speaker E: No, no. I want to dwell further. [00:21:29] Speaker D: So if I use my focus. Well, eject soul. Would it not work on Meera's? [00:21:35] Speaker E: Let's not test it. [00:21:36] Speaker B: We'll find that out later. [00:21:39] Speaker C: You want to do that in the dead roads? [00:21:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:41] Speaker C: This liminal space between death and life. [00:21:43] Speaker D: Let's do it. [00:21:43] Speaker B: I'm down. [00:21:44] Speaker E: No, no, no. [00:21:46] Speaker B: All right. Zafir, yes or no? [00:21:48] Speaker F: No. [00:21:49] Speaker B: Darn. [00:21:50] Speaker F: Maybe. [00:21:51] Speaker E: What? [00:21:53] Speaker B: Maybe? [00:21:54] Speaker C: So he's passed out these clay tablets that they look fairly fragile, and he's let you know if they break, you'll lose your authorization and get spat back out into the material plane. But as long as you carry them on your person and show them to the gatekeepers, they'll let you go to the boneyard. [00:22:09] Speaker D: All right. Thank you, Barzak, the passage. For your assistance in this matter and for the honor of this offer you've given me. I'll give it some thinking, and I will let you know shortly. [00:22:25] Speaker C: He dips low in a deferential position, almost like a bow, and then just says, it is an honor to serve a servant of Vorasma. [00:22:39] Speaker D: It's an honor to serve the master of psychopomps. [00:22:45] Speaker C: Close enough. We'll work on your etiquette a later date. [00:22:48] Speaker D: Ah, sorry. I don't know how that works hierarchically. All right. Thank you, sir. [00:23:00] Speaker C: The gatekeeper will let you all pass now. [00:23:03] Speaker E: Would I have been able to pass without a stamp? [00:23:08] Speaker C: As you may have guessed? I do not know. [00:23:10] Speaker A: Okay. [00:23:12] Speaker D: All right. [00:23:13] Speaker B: Off we go. [00:23:14] Speaker D: Off we go. [00:23:16] Speaker C: As you begin walking back along this path, this endless road that stretches out into darkness ahead. Darkness to the left, darkness to your right, and darkness behind you once again, see this waypoint, almost like a toll booth along the path your road. Previously you had turned and jutted off to the side to reach Barzok's Court. But now this toll booth is once again directly in front of you, as if no matter which direction you approach the tollbooth from, it's always ahead. As you come to the booth, this formless shadowy figure leans out once again. Present your stamps. [00:24:05] Speaker E: Neros walks up to the shadowy figure and just waves. [00:24:12] Speaker C: He dips his head in greeting and looks at the others. Three stamps for the three travelers. [00:24:22] Speaker B: Howard's gonna present his. His stamp and then join Nero's. [00:24:26] Speaker F: Zafir does the exact same thing as Albert. [00:24:31] Speaker B: Not Nero's going to do the exact same thing as Nero. See if it works. [00:24:37] Speaker C: Can I. Your stem. [00:24:41] Speaker F: Okay. [00:24:41] Speaker B: No. [00:24:43] Speaker D: He presents the stem, and then Val will present her stem. [00:24:48] Speaker C: And as Val presents the third of their stamps, the beam blocking the path lifts with this just eerie creak. Proceed. [00:25:07] Speaker F: Sorry, it sounded like. [00:25:08] Speaker B: What am I. I don't mean to undercut the scene, but I cast press the digitation to grease up that. That thing. [00:25:18] Speaker C: The shadowy figure somehow glowers at you and pulls out WD41 and re rusts the joint. [00:25:31] Speaker E: WD39. [00:25:33] Speaker C: WD minus 40. [00:25:40] Speaker D: Oh, my gosh. [00:25:40] Speaker C: And as you continue down this path into endless darkness, the figure is just standing there by the beam, just, like, adjusting the squeak. [00:25:52] Speaker E: Why did you mess with his squeaky level? [00:25:54] Speaker A: I didn't think. [00:25:56] Speaker E: I thought maybe he likes the squeak. Maybe it's comforting. [00:26:00] Speaker B: I'm sorry. I just. [00:26:05] Speaker E: Anyway, off duff to the. Yep. [00:26:08] Speaker D: While we're walking he near us. [00:26:11] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:12] Speaker D: Obviously, a lot of big, crazy, weird things happening right now. I just. I don't know if I communicated this clearly. I just wanted to let you know and I wanted to make sure that I am very sorry for hurting you, and I don't want to do that, and I want to help you because you are my friend, and I also have duties, and there's a lot of things that we don't know, a lot of things that are much bigger than us. And I'm just trying to. I'm trying to balance all of that, and I don't always know how to do that because I haven't, you know, really known people very much. And so I'm sorry. I made that promise, and I broke the promise. And I'm sorry that I maybe haven't been a very good friend. I don't know if I have or not really. And I just. I don't want to hurt anyone, physically or emotionally. It's never been my intention. I just want to do what's best. I want to help people, and. And it's hard. It's harder to do that with people's emotions than it is to just fight things. And I'm not as good at the first part. I'm gonna. I'm good at fighting things, but, yeah, I want to help you, but I don't want to betray myself to do it, and I don't. I'm still learning how to reconcile that. [00:28:05] Speaker E: She just kind of silently kind of nods at you. [00:28:15] Speaker D: Val gives an awkward thumbs up. Sorry, it's dark in here. And she pulls out her glaive. [00:28:25] Speaker E: I thought you said you weren't gonna. [00:28:26] Speaker D: Hurt me as, like, a walking staff. Because it was a gift from Pharasma. So she's like, I should probably present this relic that I was granted from Pharasma. [00:28:35] Speaker C: As you continue down this road, traveling further into the darkness, the path begins to slowly widen ahead of you, and you hear a faint sound of trickling water that grows louder and becomes a flow of water. And eventually you notice the right side of the path is no longer just dripping off into darkness, but there's a lap of water, a splash. And the further you travel, the more you realize there's a river to your right side of bright, greenish blue water. [00:29:25] Speaker B: Val, I didn't. Water. What is that? I didn't realize. [00:29:33] Speaker D: If I read my books correctly, it is two hydrogens. [00:29:38] Speaker E: Oh, my gosh. [00:29:42] Speaker B: Don't bring science into this, Sam. This is fantasy. [00:29:45] Speaker D: Would Val know this stuff? Like, what is liquid if it is just water. [00:29:51] Speaker C: Do you, Sam, know what it is? [00:29:53] Speaker D: I don't. [00:29:54] Speaker C: Because Val would know what this is. [00:29:55] Speaker D: I don't know what it is. [00:29:57] Speaker C: This is the river of Souls, bro. [00:29:59] Speaker E: I wondered. [00:30:00] Speaker D: The river of Souls? [00:30:01] Speaker C: Yes. The river of Souls. [00:30:03] Speaker D: Delicious. Oh, snap. [00:30:06] Speaker C: Like, this is a map of the river of Souls. [00:30:09] Speaker D: Wait, it's like a bunch of circles? [00:30:12] Speaker C: Yeah. I don't understand how to read it, and I love that. Oh, here's a map. And I'm like, is this just the. [00:30:18] Speaker B: Map of the plains? No, the river of Souls. [00:30:21] Speaker D: They look like different locations in the river of Souls. So for one of those locations in the Boneyard, and then that those, like, the weird nucleus, is the river of Souls. [00:30:32] Speaker C: So, in summary, the river of Souls is a path that guides souls from all planes to converge in the Boneyard to be judged and then sent to their afterlife from there. [00:30:47] Speaker B: Don't touch the water. Got it. [00:30:50] Speaker D: Okay. Yeah. So water, souls, don't touch. [00:30:55] Speaker E: There's Neriss. Voices in her head again. [00:31:00] Speaker B: I know we can't, but I like to imagine we just all hear it now. [00:31:03] Speaker D: This was, like, so esoteric. I love it. [00:31:06] Speaker C: Anyway, as you're walking, this river is taking shape and becoming more visible, more tangible next to you. And then suddenly, up ahead, you notice the path is no longer disappearing into darkness. There seems to be an end to the path. You get closer and you realize it's a ledge with no railing. The road continues straight and then drops. You get closer, and it's almost as if you're coming out of a tunnel that is infinitely wide on the inside, but has a narrow opening. And this narrow opening comes out into a vast cosmic space before you. You see a green and white necropolis of marble buildings lit by an eerie light. Below this necropolis, it's standing on an ivory tower stretching hundreds of miles below you. And the river that's to your right is just dropping into this chasm and feeding a vast lake of water that lies at the foot of this spire. Above all of this is a sky filled with millions times more stars than you've ever seen. And in the center of all of this is a moon with a massive, leering face looking down on it all. Val, you are well aware that this green and white necropolis that lies before you is the Boneyard. But there's roughly a mile of open space between this opening that you're standing on and the gates of the Necropolis ahead of you. Presumably, if you were a spirit, this open space would be no barrier to your progression. [00:33:04] Speaker D: Hmm. Wow. Valkina, keeps looking over at the moon very nervously. And it's like, I think I can still use my wings. And maybe for miles, pretty far. [00:33:25] Speaker C: Suddenly from behind you, you hear a splash in the river. Like a bear pulling a salmon out of a stream. [00:33:39] Speaker E: I'm gonna turn around. [00:33:44] Speaker C: Neros. You see, standing knee deep in this bluish green water is a strange 10 foot tall creature. Its head is like an orange anglerfish on top of a gaunt reptilian blue body. Its chest glows with an unholy warmth. And its massive 2ft long hands are tipped with claws in its hand pulling up dripping out of the water. It seems to have some sort of figure that's like struggling and writhing against it. And it lifts this figure to its mouth and just begins slurping the spiritual essence. [00:34:31] Speaker D: I'm sorry, is that eating a soul? [00:34:34] Speaker C: It does look to be doing that. I'm going to send you all a picture in the Discord Chat so you can see what this looks like. [00:34:40] Speaker D: Why does that exist here? [00:34:43] Speaker E: Thank you. [00:34:44] Speaker C: Why would that be here? [00:34:45] Speaker A: Because it's tastier here. [00:34:47] Speaker B: I absolutely love this thing. That is so cool. [00:34:50] Speaker D: I would kiss that over a goblin. [00:34:53] Speaker B: I don't know about that. It doesn't even have a list. [00:34:56] Speaker E: It does not look like a good. [00:34:57] Speaker D: Kisser, at least goblin on a couple of days. [00:35:00] Speaker B: I agree. I could definitely. [00:35:01] Speaker D: But like, I bet it has opinions on parentage. [00:35:06] Speaker C: So as you're watching, it's just like slurping the spirit. And it's not even like holding it up to its mouth. It's more just that it's holding it and then sort of like steam being drawn by suction is just a gaseous trail from the spirit and its claws into its mouth. [00:35:26] Speaker B: You know, it's weird that it has teeth if it doesn't use them. [00:35:30] Speaker D: Does Val know what that is? [00:35:32] Speaker C: Make a religion check. [00:35:33] Speaker D: Oh, no. Something I'm good at. [00:35:37] Speaker E: Why is that an oh no moment? [00:35:41] Speaker D: Yeah, you know. 38. [00:35:48] Speaker C: You do know what this is? This is an Astra demon. [00:35:52] Speaker D: I thought so. [00:35:53] Speaker C: Also known as a Void demon. They are very, very rarely seen in the material plane because they prefer to spend their time in liminal spaces and the paths between death and life where they can try to get their hands on souls before they make it to the boneyard and consume them there. [00:36:11] Speaker D: Like a bone. Like a bogeyman. [00:36:14] Speaker C: Yeah. They make easier prey than the living. But they will prey upon the living. [00:36:19] Speaker B: That's why they have teeth. [00:36:21] Speaker D: What level is it usually level? [00:36:23] Speaker C: 16. [00:36:24] Speaker A: 16. [00:36:26] Speaker D: Okay. [00:36:28] Speaker E: I'm sorry, did you say 16. [00:36:30] Speaker C: Level 16. [00:36:31] Speaker B: 4. [00:36:32] Speaker D: Level 12. So we got this, right? [00:36:34] Speaker E: I don't think we do. [00:36:36] Speaker B: What is that? A deadly encounter Now? We're fine. [00:36:41] Speaker E: So that's gonna TPK right here. [00:36:46] Speaker D: We'll continue the mission alone. Val's is gonna tell the others. Don't get that thing's attention because it will kill us. And then she's gonna turn and keep thinking about how to get across the smile Long gap. [00:37:01] Speaker C: Val, you hear a voice in your mind. [00:37:03] Speaker D: Oh, hello. [00:37:06] Speaker C: It is difficult for the living to escape my attention. [00:37:14] Speaker E: It's level 16. [00:37:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:18] Speaker D: We're merely passing through. Though I do not approve of what you do, I also am aware that I cannot stop you. At this present point. [00:37:30] Speaker C: This creature takes a step towards you, and another step, and then kind of sidesteps out onto the path, this ectoplasmic water just dripping off of its legs. I have a question. [00:37:45] Speaker B: Val. It's getting closer. [00:37:46] Speaker D: Am I the only one hearing this? [00:37:47] Speaker C: Now it's speaking aloud. [00:37:49] Speaker D: Okay, I have a question. [00:37:52] Speaker C: Why can it speak for any brave enough to answer? [00:37:59] Speaker F: Well, what's the question? [00:38:01] Speaker C: Don't ask the creepy thing what riddle it wants. [00:38:06] Speaker A: Unless you want to give it your soul as payment. [00:38:09] Speaker D: Or we can steal its ring. [00:38:10] Speaker A: I'm not there. I can't warn you. [00:38:12] Speaker F: Oh, we can't be brave enough if we don't know the question. [00:38:15] Speaker C: Which one among you should be kept alive as tribute for my masters, and which will I consume? That's. [00:38:25] Speaker A: That's. [00:38:26] Speaker C: That's not a question. [00:38:27] Speaker F: Well, technically, it is. [00:38:29] Speaker B: I mean, this is quite a qu. But it's not one we're going to add. That's not one to be. [00:38:33] Speaker F: It's rhetorical, that. We're just saying. [00:38:34] Speaker B: I mean, then why ask? [00:38:37] Speaker C: Reaches out one long claw and starts pointing to each of you. [00:38:41] Speaker A: Eenie, meanie. [00:38:43] Speaker D: Enough with your games, creature. [00:38:45] Speaker F: How does he know that. That thing down here, that rhyme. [00:38:48] Speaker D: I am a servant of Pharasma, ruler of this realm. You. [00:38:59] Speaker C: You, A servant of Pharasma? Face to face with an Astra demon? Your God has abandoned you. Roll for initiative. [00:39:15] Speaker E: So, do we have to use your. [00:39:18] Speaker D: Use your clay tablets as a shield? [00:39:21] Speaker B: Jordy. [00:39:22] Speaker C: Yes. [00:39:22] Speaker B: How is me foregoing my initiative work if time doesn't exist? [00:39:28] Speaker D: We are like in the universe. [00:39:30] Speaker C: You step back and you see all the threads, and all of them get violently severed but one. [00:39:38] Speaker B: Let's see if I grab that thread. I guess I don't. I rolled the 10. My initiative is very low. [00:39:48] Speaker C: All right, well, this could get very interesting. [00:39:51] Speaker E: Oh, my gosh. We're gonna die. [00:39:52] Speaker D: This is fun. [00:39:53] Speaker F: Break the tablets. [00:39:54] Speaker E: Just break the tablets now. [00:39:57] Speaker D: Two days later, Uvar is gonna be like 21. [00:39:59] Speaker C: Just so you know what I just rolled Initiative. [00:40:02] Speaker D: Was it a net? [00:40:08] Speaker E: Jordy? [00:40:09] Speaker D: So, to be clear, going into this, right, like, we have to actively break our. Our tablets to be safe. [00:40:16] Speaker C: If your tablet is broken, you return to the material point. [00:40:19] Speaker D: It's not going to be like, mechanically if you get zero your tablets broken? [00:40:22] Speaker C: Nope. [00:40:23] Speaker A: Okay. [00:40:24] Speaker C: Your tablets are fragile, though, and can be broken with a single Interact action. [00:40:28] Speaker D: And they are in our hands. [00:40:29] Speaker E: Do we just want to yoink ourselves out? [00:40:32] Speaker F: Do we all have one? [00:40:34] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. [00:40:34] Speaker E: Okay. [00:40:35] Speaker C: Just. [00:40:35] Speaker B: I feel like. [00:40:35] Speaker C: Val, what Was your initiative? [00:40:37] Speaker D: 32 Zafir 1 less than. Am I an issue? [00:40:41] Speaker F: 29 Neros. [00:40:42] Speaker E: 36. [00:40:43] Speaker C: Nice and Alward. [00:40:46] Speaker B: 21. [00:40:49] Speaker D: Hey, we're all enough to drink. [00:40:50] Speaker B: It's okay. [00:40:51] Speaker E: Usually that's what I roll. Usually below 25. [00:40:57] Speaker C: The Astro Demon is going to go first. [00:40:59] Speaker B: You don't. [00:41:00] Speaker D: What Was its initiative? [00:41:01] Speaker C: 48. [00:41:02] Speaker D: Nice. Yeah. [00:41:03] Speaker E: Guys, guys, I'd like to go home now. [00:41:07] Speaker C: Val, this astrodemon is pointing eeny meeny minie, and you're just like, you know, I'm a servant to Pharasma. Your God has abandoned you. Claw points back at you. Mo. Val, I'm gonna need a Fortitude Save. [00:41:24] Speaker D: Wait, does mo mean I'm the one that lives, or does mo mean I'm one of the devoured ones? [00:41:29] Speaker C: It means you need a Fortitude Save. [00:41:33] Speaker E: Guys, if we just break our tablets now. [00:41:36] Speaker D: Yeah. No, wait. Yeah. 36. [00:41:41] Speaker C: So that's a regular failure. [00:41:42] Speaker E: Awesome. That's great. [00:41:46] Speaker A: How did you roll to 14? [00:41:48] Speaker C: Oh, no. Val, the darkness that surrounds the road snakes up the side of the road and wraps itself around your leg. And. And you just feel like your life force is just draining out into the darkness from you as you take 80 void damage. [00:42:07] Speaker E: Did you say 80? [00:42:08] Speaker C: 80 void damage on a regular fail. [00:42:14] Speaker E: Guys. [00:42:16] Speaker D: Guys, I'm not bloodied. I'm still in this. [00:42:19] Speaker E: Guys, can we please just yoink ourselves out? [00:42:24] Speaker D: I understand all the times of all the characters and Geordi saying, please wait. You need to be strong before coming in here. [00:42:34] Speaker C: The creature then leans forward and its lanky arms just, like, drift at his side as it starts flying towards you at about 40 miles an hour. [00:42:43] Speaker D: So. So slow. Can't even keep up with me on the highway. [00:42:47] Speaker C: It flies right up to Val and then just like, levitates in front of it, right? Radiating aura. [00:42:54] Speaker D: I'm a woman, not an. [00:42:59] Speaker C: Flies up to Val, levitating in Front of her radiating aura. And that is its third action. So now it is Neros turn. [00:43:09] Speaker D: That was a lot. [00:43:11] Speaker E: Just get out of here. [00:43:14] Speaker D: We might need to. It might be. [00:43:15] Speaker E: I'm breaking my tablet. I'm done. I'm out. [00:43:19] Speaker D: Corvus did say to wait. [00:43:20] Speaker C: So Neros, you shatter the clay tablet in your hand. [00:43:24] Speaker E: Yep. [00:43:24] Speaker C: What everyone else sees is Neros just disappears. And the fragment of clay tablet just scatter on the ground where she was standing. [00:43:33] Speaker E: You all should do the same. [00:43:35] Speaker C: Val, it's your turn. This creature is now just like levitating in front of you. It's chest puffed out, obviously trying to intimidate you. Val. [00:43:45] Speaker E: Sam. [00:43:47] Speaker C: Dude, you did say you have your glaive out. [00:43:50] Speaker B: Sam, if it can bleed, we can kill it. [00:43:53] Speaker E: Oh my gosh. [00:43:54] Speaker D: Just get out. Imagine me using layout hands and doing an opportunity attack and kill him. [00:44:01] Speaker E: It did 80 points of damage to you in one freaking turn. Get out. [00:44:06] Speaker B: If it has HP, it can die. [00:44:08] Speaker D: That's true. I'll break my tablet. [00:44:12] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:44:13] Speaker D: But not the not the deal one. I'll break that later. But the let me out one. [00:44:17] Speaker A: Not the deal one. Wrong tablet. [00:44:20] Speaker C: Wrong tablet. You take an interact action with the manipulate trait with this creature right in. [00:44:24] Speaker B: Front of you, use it as a weapon. [00:44:26] Speaker C: Jordy. [00:44:27] Speaker D: I mean, there's no disengage, right? [00:44:29] Speaker C: You could take a step. [00:44:31] Speaker D: Let me take two steps away and then break the tablet. [00:44:36] Speaker C: So Val, you just cautiously back up, crush your tablet, and everyone sees Val disappear as shards of clay scatter. [00:44:44] Speaker D: Size of this creature? [00:44:45] Speaker C: Large. [00:44:46] Speaker D: Oh, good. So it was bigger. It might have been able to reach me still. [00:44:52] Speaker F: Zafir, how far away would you say. [00:44:54] Speaker C: I am from the creature? Like 15ft. [00:44:57] Speaker F: 15Ft. How many actions does it take to break this tablet? [00:45:01] Speaker C: 1. [00:45:01] Speaker F: How many actions does it take to throw something? [00:45:03] Speaker C: 1. [00:45:04] Speaker F: I throw a lemon at it and then I break the tablet. [00:45:07] Speaker B: Why'd you have a lemon in your have a lemon? [00:45:09] Speaker D: Remember, he bought. [00:45:10] Speaker E: He bought so many lemons. [00:45:12] Speaker B: My husband carrying a lemon. [00:45:13] Speaker F: Wait a sec, hold on, hold on. [00:45:14] Speaker C: You could spend an action to retrieve the lemon. [00:45:16] Speaker F: My notes say tomatoes. It's tomatoes, not lemons. [00:45:20] Speaker D: I bought lemons. [00:45:21] Speaker E: When life gives you lemons, throw them at an astro door. [00:45:24] Speaker A: When life gives you lemons, throw a tomato. [00:45:26] Speaker F: So I spend one action pulling out my tomato, turn it into a one action, throw the tomato at the demon, and one action to break my tablet. [00:45:35] Speaker C: Before your third action, I'm gonna need you to roll me a D20. [00:45:38] Speaker F: Okay. [00:45:40] Speaker C: What? [00:45:40] Speaker B: Oh, to see if the tomato hits. Maybe. Maybe Right? [00:45:43] Speaker E: I don't know. [00:45:44] Speaker F: Do I add anything to it? [00:45:46] Speaker C: No. Just give me the final result. [00:45:48] Speaker F: 14. [00:45:50] Speaker C: Now go ahead and make me a range strike check. [00:45:52] Speaker F: Okay. [00:45:53] Speaker E: What man? What are you doing? [00:45:57] Speaker B: Has met. No. [00:45:59] Speaker A: Somebody should do an insight check next time we fight these things if we have to. [00:46:04] Speaker E: Insight Recall knowledge. [00:46:06] Speaker A: Recall knowledge. [00:46:07] Speaker D: I did 33. [00:46:09] Speaker C: Do it again. Your tomato just whiffs past him. [00:46:12] Speaker F: That's fine. I probably broke it too fast to even tell. [00:46:16] Speaker C: And then your tablet shatters. Zafir disappears. Fragments of clay drop to the ground. Alward, it's just you and the astrodemon. [00:46:25] Speaker B: Alward doesn't even. It looks like he's in another world. As if frantically, like sorting through all of the broken threads. And as he continues to go and go and go, the one that doesn't get cut starts growing brighter as all of my friends are leaving. And then I snap back to reality and just drop the tablet in. It shatters. [00:46:48] Speaker C: As your mind is racing before that trap tablet actually drops, the demon just like steps up closer to you, leans its face in towards yours and just says, zul Gazaz will remember you. The tablet shatters and Alward, you're standing back in the temple of Pharasma and Joel with your friends around you again. [00:47:13] Speaker B: A potion appears in Neros hand. [00:47:18] Speaker E: Here. And I hand it to Val. [00:47:21] Speaker D: You can save that. I'll just lay on hands. It's fine. [00:47:24] Speaker C: And that is where we'll end this episode. [00:47:30] Speaker E: That was horrifying. I honestly thought Sam was going to do the stupid thing and stand there and try to fight. [00:47:37] Speaker B: I desperately wanted you to use the tablet as a weapon. Just smack it against his face. [00:47:42] Speaker D: Laughing against his face. [00:47:45] Speaker C: Wow. Thank you guys for letting me introduce a new minor villain. [00:47:50] Speaker B: Did you say minor villain? What did you say to me? [00:47:54] Speaker C: Zul Gazaz will remember you. [00:47:56] Speaker B: Zul Gazaz. Are we in Ghostbusters now? [00:47:59] Speaker D: There is no Dana. Only Zulgaz. [00:48:04] Speaker C: All right. And the hero point for today's episode goes to Sam for the cool moment with Val where she's starting to kind of address the just unspoken strife going on. So make it a turning point in. [00:48:18] Speaker D: The story if you say strife like that. [00:48:20] Speaker C: Strife, strife, strife, strife. [00:48:22] Speaker D: So much strife here in the third Darksiders game. [00:48:26] Speaker B: Ah, that game was. [00:48:29] Speaker D: I never. I never played it because it looks bad. [00:48:32] Speaker A: Jordy, close us out before we get started. [00:48:36] Speaker E: Second banter of the episode, baby. [00:48:41] Speaker D: Oh, hey. I thought Jordy still needed to say something. [00:48:45] Speaker E: No, we're waiting on you. [00:48:46] Speaker D: I am going. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. [00:48:50] Speaker A: He's going. [00:48:51] Speaker D: I'm going. Am I buying? I don't know. [00:48:54] Speaker B: Sam, shut the door. [00:48:55] Speaker F: No. [00:48:57] Speaker D: Yeah, thanks. I'm gonna go prepare this game show thing that I'm doing soon. This will come out after that, so. [00:49:05] Speaker C: Yeah, that's true. So tell us. Tell us on the Discord. A retrospective. Give us your retrospective. Did you like the game show? Should we do more? [00:49:13] Speaker F: Did you watch it? [00:49:14] Speaker D: Did it happen? [00:49:15] Speaker C: Did it even. [00:49:17] Speaker E: Do you have any idea what we're talking about right now? [00:49:20] Speaker D: Oh, wait, hold on. A real thing. Keep all that in. But hey, there's a newsletter. Please like go subscribe to it. We also have a website. Please check that out. That hasn't been said on this podcast yet. There really should be an announcement, but if an announcement does not get made before this episode, consider this an announcement. [00:49:38] Speaker B: We're lazy. This is going to be the announcement. [00:49:41] Speaker C: That's the announcement. So go read the newsletter, go check out the website, tell your friends, gather all of the converts to the cause, and we will see you all in the next episode. [00:49:50] Speaker B: We love you. [00:49:53] Speaker C: This has been an Atomic Broadcasting production. If you enjoyed the show, make sure to give us some support by liking, commenting and following. These things really do make a difference in getting the word out and helping our community grow. Also, make sure to check us out on threads and check out the Discord server where you can chat with other fans and discuss all the recent developments and happenings. Links to all these good things in the description below. The written and the Lost is an original story that uses trademarks and and or copyrights owned by Paizo, Inc. Used under Paizo's fan Content Policy. Atomic Broadcasting and the Written and the Lost are not published, endorsed or specifically approved by Piezo. For more information about Paizo Inc. And Piezo products, visit piezo.com Hope to see you all in the next episode. Until then, have an atomic time. [00:50:41] Speaker B: So is the right structure the material? [00:50:43] Speaker C: The far right is Grotis. [00:50:46] Speaker A: Oh, Frank. [00:50:47] Speaker B: Why is Grotus so pretty? [00:50:51] Speaker A: What is Grotus? [00:50:52] Speaker C: Grotus is holding back the end of the world. [00:50:55] Speaker D: Uh huh. [00:50:55] Speaker B: Wait, so is the end of the world the pretty thing? [00:50:58] Speaker D: I mean Grotis? [00:50:59] Speaker C: You'd think so. [00:51:00] Speaker B: The colorful beauty. [00:51:01] Speaker C: I think that beautiful thing is similar to the flame of Frenzy. Jenkins. [00:51:06] Speaker B: It's so pretty. [00:51:07] Speaker C: Yes. I think Jenkins wants to bring about the end of the world. [00:51:09] Speaker B: If it's that pretty. Yes.