EP. 132 Deal or no Deal

[00:00:05] Speaker A: You are listening to an atomic broadcasting production. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the feature presentation. And remember, do your part. Such as, like, comment rate, and don't [00:00:18] Speaker B: forget to tell a friend to tune [00:00:20] Speaker C: in for an atomic time. Now, where did we leave off? Ah, yes. Alward, Neros and Zafir went to the phantom city of Nithvale in search of the Wild Walkers and were directed to the shop of an eccentric toad collector. Upon realizing the toad kept his boots along the wall, defying gravity, Alward grabbed Neros, attempting to fly her up to the boots. I'm eating orange chicken later. You're orange chicken. You're not gonna eat it? [00:01:13] Speaker A: I mean, if you want to come over and have Chinese food at my house, that's fine. [00:01:16] Speaker D: I don't want to. [00:01:17] Speaker A: That's fine, too. [00:01:18] Speaker D: We also have dogs that we need [00:01:20] Speaker C: to get back to. [00:01:20] Speaker A: I also. [00:01:21] Speaker C: I was just threatening to eat your food, not hang out with you. [00:01:23] Speaker A: Oh, I mean, that's a little rude. [00:01:25] Speaker B: I was just threatening to eat you, not hang out. [00:01:27] Speaker A: Not if you want my food. [00:01:30] Speaker C: You are a good cook. [00:01:31] Speaker A: Oh, thank you. I've never had my food. [00:01:33] Speaker D: I've never had your food. [00:01:34] Speaker C: I have. That ramen you made was great. [00:01:37] Speaker A: I do like making ramen. I had ramen before I came here. [00:01:40] Speaker C: I haven't eaten a lot of your food, but I have eaten some of your food. [00:01:44] Speaker D: I've never eaten your food. [00:01:46] Speaker A: I like cooking for people. [00:01:47] Speaker C: Big breakfast. [00:01:48] Speaker A: Yes. I will throw a spatula if I mess up an egg, though. So don't let me cook the eggs. I love cooking eggs. [00:01:55] Speaker D: You throw a spatula. [00:01:58] Speaker A: It's an issue I have. I get overly angry. If I mess up an egg, it's because I've been cooking them since I've been, like, five. [00:02:08] Speaker D: It's not that big of a deal. [00:02:09] Speaker A: I know, but it's something that I should be able to do without messing it up. But I can. [00:02:14] Speaker D: How do you mess up cooking an egg? It's an egg. [00:02:16] Speaker B: Even Tony falls off his skateboard. [00:02:19] Speaker D: Oh, and your goal is to not break the egg? [00:02:21] Speaker A: Yeah, my goal is to. Okay. [00:02:23] Speaker B: Even Tony Hawk falls off his skateboard. [00:02:26] Speaker A: Yeah, I bet he yells when he does it. [00:02:27] Speaker B: Well, he probably just gets back up and puts the egg, a new egg, in the pan. [00:02:32] Speaker A: I can't waste the broken egg. [00:02:34] Speaker B: Well, then don't worry about it. Just eat the broken yolk. [00:02:38] Speaker A: I do eat the broken yolk. Or I give it to my dog if I haven't put any seasonings on it yet. [00:02:43] Speaker B: See, I like to make eggs for my Wife. [00:02:45] Speaker A: And she. [00:02:47] Speaker B: She likes the runny yolk. I don't know what they're. I don't understand why. Because it tastes like earwax. Don't ask me why I know what that tastes like, but I like. [00:02:54] Speaker D: Why do you know what earwax tastes like? [00:02:56] Speaker B: The yolk. [00:02:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:57] Speaker B: And, like, I. I do get upset whenever I break, you know, break it. And I'm trying to give her a runny egg, I hand it to her. I'm like, I'm sorry I broke the. Broke the yolk. But I tried it. I try to keep as much in it as possible. [00:03:11] Speaker A: Wait, why don't you just keep the one that you broke and then give her a new one? [00:03:15] Speaker B: Because oftentimes I will only make one for her. Because after, like, I get. Eggs get old to me very fast. [00:03:24] Speaker A: I also get extremely upset if I mess up an omelet. [00:03:28] Speaker B: Eggstreamly. Sorry. [00:03:29] Speaker A: Yes. [00:03:30] Speaker B: That was not the point. [00:03:33] Speaker C: All right, we are going to create the definitive best way to cook eggs. So first round, when you're frying eggs is the best way. Sunny side up, over easy, over medium, or over hard. [00:03:50] Speaker B: I do it over a stove. [00:03:54] Speaker C: So sunny side up, you crack the eggs in, and you just leave them until the whites are set and the yolk is running. [00:04:00] Speaker B: Sure. [00:04:01] Speaker A: Yeah. That's how you cook it. [00:04:02] Speaker C: Over easy. You crack them in, you let it sit, and then you flip it just briefly to set the top, but you leave the oak runny over medium, you flip it a little longer so the yolk is kind of. Kind of, kind of starting to cook. And then over hard, you flip it and cook until the yolk is done. [00:04:20] Speaker A: Okay, but you forgot hard fried, where you break the yolk at the beginning and let it fry. [00:04:26] Speaker C: Okay, that's also an option. [00:04:28] Speaker A: What about bened? What about eggs Benedict? [00:04:30] Speaker C: That's in a separate category. [00:04:31] Speaker A: Okay, what about the. [00:04:32] Speaker C: This is the fried eggs category. [00:04:33] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:04:35] Speaker B: So I usually do the second option for my wife. I'll, you know, cook the. Cook it till it's white, and then I'll flip it over just to get the top of the yolk, you know, solid enough that it's not going to be wiggly when I hand it to her, I guess. [00:04:48] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. So over. [00:04:50] Speaker B: That's. Is it. [00:04:51] Speaker C: Was that or over medium? [00:04:52] Speaker B: Over medium. [00:04:52] Speaker A: Yeah, it's over medium. [00:04:53] Speaker C: Jenkins, I do sunny side up, sunny [00:04:55] Speaker A: set up because it's easiest. [00:04:56] Speaker D: Abby, I have probably the most unpopular opinion. If it has to be a fried egg, it has to be over hard. [00:05:04] Speaker B: Hey, no. For me, that's that's what I like. [00:05:06] Speaker A: I went through the majority of my life only eating hard fried eggs because I did not like the taste of yolk. [00:05:12] Speaker D: I hate. I hate the texture and the taste of yolk. [00:05:14] Speaker A: It's. It's only been rather recently where I've started eating the yolk. And it's because I was like, I want to learn how to make this egg. And it was specifically the egg where it's like a thing in Britain where you, like, cut out a ring and toast and cook the egg. [00:05:28] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:05:31] Speaker A: I wanted to do that. [00:05:33] Speaker C: So sounds like our consensus is over medium is the best way to cook an egg. No, it is consensus. 100% of dentists agree. [00:05:43] Speaker D: For those I didn't know we were polling dentists. [00:05:47] Speaker A: I'm the 1 out of 10 dentist. [00:05:49] Speaker B: For those who like yolks over medium. For those who don't like yolks over [00:05:54] Speaker D: hard or scramble them. [00:05:56] Speaker B: Scrambled works too. [00:05:57] Speaker A: Scramble's good. [00:05:58] Speaker B: Now, here's the question. [00:06:00] Speaker A: Some cheese and ham. A little bit bacon. [00:06:03] Speaker B: When I. When I was growing up, I was told to add a splash of milk to the scrambled eggs. And I've learned recently that's just to make them more. [00:06:13] Speaker D: To make them more fluffy. [00:06:14] Speaker B: More fluffy. [00:06:15] Speaker A: It also just more. [00:06:18] Speaker D: It helps combine everything, too. [00:06:19] Speaker B: I also have realized that I don't like scrambled eggs as much because they feel like I'm just eating wet popcorn. [00:06:28] Speaker A: Then you have not cooked your scrambled. Wait, no. Wet popcorn? Yeah. No, that makes sense. [00:06:31] Speaker B: Yeah, it just. [00:06:34] Speaker D: I can see it. [00:06:35] Speaker B: If it's too dry, then it's too dry, but if it's not too dry, then it's wet popcorn. Yeah, but I put cheese in mine too. [00:06:46] Speaker C: So, pivoting. What is the best brand of microwave popcorn? [00:06:51] Speaker D: AMC Redenbacher. [00:06:55] Speaker B: I don't eat microwave popcorn anymore. [00:06:57] Speaker A: What? Do you just have a popcorn machine? [00:06:59] Speaker B: I have a Whirley Pop. Those are phenomenal. [00:07:02] Speaker A: Okay, everyone, we're going to Petit's house and stealing his popcorn machine. [00:07:06] Speaker D: I do like Whirley Pop popcorn. I think it's amazing. However, me not having a Whirley Pop. We still have micro. We still do migrate popcorn and AMC theater. Microwave popcorn I think is probably the best microwave popcorn I've ever had. [00:07:22] Speaker A: I. I will say my opinion is solely based off of kettle corn. [00:07:26] Speaker D: I don't like kettle corn. [00:07:27] Speaker A: I love kettle corn. [00:07:29] Speaker D: I don't. The sweetness of it. It just. [00:07:30] Speaker A: Just so good. [00:07:31] Speaker D: I don't like it. [00:07:32] Speaker A: Sweet and salty. [00:07:33] Speaker D: Don't like it. [00:07:36] Speaker A: I am the 1 out of 10 dentist again. [00:07:40] Speaker C: All Right. Pivoting question. [00:07:42] Speaker D: Oh, my gosh. [00:07:43] Speaker C: What is the best way to ascend a wall that. That turns into a floor when you're going to a door to follow a toad merchant? [00:07:50] Speaker A: I got this. [00:07:51] Speaker D: Put on Zafir's boots. [00:07:52] Speaker A: Oh, I was gonna say piggyback ride. Then cast fly, like. [00:07:55] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, that too. [00:07:56] Speaker B: Well, see, the actual answer is to assume that the gravity is going the other direction and just start walking along the floor. [00:08:03] Speaker A: That's fair. [00:08:04] Speaker D: I tried. [00:08:05] Speaker B: No, you didn't assume. You said I was gonna go up the wall. You say you go up the floor. [00:08:12] Speaker A: We don't. [00:08:12] Speaker B: You don't know how logic works. [00:08:13] Speaker A: It's too late. [00:08:14] Speaker D: I go up the floor. [00:08:16] Speaker A: It's too late. You're on my back. [00:08:18] Speaker C: On Albert's back. [00:08:20] Speaker A: And I casted fly. [00:08:22] Speaker C: Albert. You call upon your psychic abilities to just lift yourself up off the ground. I asked you to roll a die. [00:08:30] Speaker A: Yep. [00:08:30] Speaker C: You rolled a 16. [00:08:32] Speaker A: I did. [00:08:32] Speaker C: You lift yourself off the ground. Don't worry about it. [00:08:35] Speaker A: I'm. [00:08:40] Speaker D: I'm very worried about it. [00:08:42] Speaker A: Same. [00:08:43] Speaker D: Oh, I should probably get off Pinterest and bring up path builder. [00:08:46] Speaker A: We follow the frogman. Toad Man. Toad Man. [00:08:49] Speaker D: Toad man. [00:08:50] Speaker C: He leads you into a room. And as soon as you enter that room, it feels like gravity is going the correctly oriented way for that room, even though you know it's sideways now and everything makes sense in this room. [00:09:04] Speaker B: What are you talking about? It always made sense. [00:09:05] Speaker C: Exactly. And he shows you to a glass case on like, you know, like one of those exhibit tables. And inside is a pair of boots that looks like it's made out of fur and some sort of like wooden rivets that are holding things together. There's like leaves and twigs all involved in the design. It's very, very nature looking. Very druid coated. [00:09:33] Speaker B: Would you say they look wild? [00:09:35] Speaker C: They do indeed look wild. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Is them the boots? [00:09:41] Speaker D: Is them the boots. [00:09:42] Speaker A: Are those the boots? [00:09:43] Speaker D: Is dem de boots. [00:09:44] Speaker B: Howard is out. He is done. [00:09:47] Speaker D: Is dem da boots. [00:09:49] Speaker C: Welcome to the boot department. And he gestures broadly to the rest of the room. And you now see there are boots all over the room. [00:09:57] Speaker D: What about these boots? And Nero's points to the wild looking boots. [00:10:02] Speaker C: These boots. And he like, whooshes over anime style, protectively holding his arms around the glass case. Are my prized possession. These boots were crafted by cabal of druids that oversaw the Grungir forest. And they are now in my possession to be part of my collection. [00:10:22] Speaker B: Then why. Why are they in your shop? [00:10:25] Speaker C: Because I have an antique shop and some Things I keep, some things I sell, and some things I can be convinced to part with. [00:10:33] Speaker A: What are those boots called? [00:10:35] Speaker C: These I call George. [00:10:41] Speaker D: What would it take for you to part with George? [00:10:44] Speaker C: Oh, something unique and special, something beyond description. [00:10:51] Speaker D: Such as? [00:10:52] Speaker C: What do you have? [00:10:57] Speaker D: I look in my satchel. I mean, I've never used this. [00:11:03] Speaker C: That's a really good way to start the sales pitch. [00:11:06] Speaker D: No, it's actually quite nice and I just never used it. I take off a belt that I'm wearing. [00:11:15] Speaker C: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, I need something for my collection. [00:11:18] Speaker D: No, this is. I hold up the belt, it's this. And it's the greater retriever belt. [00:11:28] Speaker C: What is this? Explain to me. [00:11:31] Speaker D: Well, it's magical. Basically, it's kind of tied to an extra dimensional space that can hold three items of one bulk or less. [00:11:45] Speaker C: So it's like a extra dimensional bag that would hold things. [00:11:51] Speaker D: It's worth 600 gold. [00:11:52] Speaker A: But it's a belt. [00:11:54] Speaker C: He reaches into his cloak, like his, his, his vest that he's got over and he pulls out like a full size guitar and he's like, that's cheap around here. And puts the guitar back. [00:12:06] Speaker D: Well, I tried and I put the belt back on. [00:12:09] Speaker B: Zafir looks down at his waist, doesn't pull off his belt, but he does pick up a scabbard that is clearly missing a dagger and says, this one's held a dagger of fey uniqueness. What about it? If you have any other, I mean, any questions I guess I could answer. [00:12:36] Speaker C: Do you mind if I. [00:12:38] Speaker B: By all means. Here. [00:12:39] Speaker C: He takes it gingerly between two toed fingers, looks at it, sniffs it, licks it. There's just like this huge thick, goopy saliva strand between the scabbard and his tongue snaps. This is of human make. And hands it back to you, but [00:13:03] Speaker D: so are the boots. [00:13:05] Speaker B: Hold on. Actually, you probably won't tell me any more about that, but that's a lot of something that I need to know about. But anyway, it held a boogeyman dagger and I'm sure you're familiar with them. [00:13:16] Speaker C: Oh, nasty creatures. But they are good for, shall we say, salvaging items of interest. [00:13:25] Speaker B: So you don't want the scabbard? [00:13:27] Speaker C: I do, I do. [00:13:28] Speaker B: I will take the scabbard for trade. For the boots. [00:13:31] Speaker C: No, no, I'll just take it. [00:13:33] Speaker B: Okay. What about these boots that I'm wearing? [00:13:35] Speaker C: Boots for boots? [00:13:36] Speaker B: Yes, possibly. [00:13:38] Speaker C: Hmm. [00:13:39] Speaker B: It's an offer. Maybe. [00:13:42] Speaker C: What's so special about those boots? [00:13:44] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:13:46] Speaker D: You're not selling them very well. [00:13:49] Speaker C: Well, no, you've got me curious now. Why did you offer them? [00:13:52] Speaker B: Because they're boots. [00:13:55] Speaker C: So you're offering me boots? You see, your friend here, she offered me a magical belt with crazy powers. [00:14:04] Speaker A: Which you said is cheap. [00:14:06] Speaker C: Yes, it's cheap. And you're thinking boots? Just boots. [00:14:11] Speaker B: Well, have you taken a look around the room? Boots everywhere. [00:14:14] Speaker C: Cut to a long angle as he just looks around. Don't judge how many shoes I have. [00:14:22] Speaker A: Are they shoes or are they boots? [00:14:24] Speaker C: This is the boot wing. [00:14:27] Speaker A: Do you have a shoe wing? [00:14:29] Speaker C: Would you like to see my shoes? [00:14:31] Speaker A: No. We want those boots. [00:14:32] Speaker C: Hello. [00:14:33] Speaker B: I'm sorry. Please keep the shoeing. For dinner, the food. It's a terrible joke. I didn't. [00:14:39] Speaker C: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You are eating your boots? [00:14:41] Speaker B: No. [00:14:42] Speaker C: How big were they before you began to eat them? [00:14:46] Speaker A: The size of a house. [00:14:48] Speaker B: I don't know my foot size. But they, they, they have powers. [00:14:55] Speaker C: Show me. [00:14:55] Speaker B: I don't necessarily want to part with them. I'm just giving you the option. [00:14:59] Speaker C: Well, if you aren't willing to part with them, why would you offer them? [00:15:03] Speaker B: He's got a point there. Does anybody else have any ideas? [00:15:06] Speaker A: I have a scale. [00:15:09] Speaker C: It's not special, like a dragon scale. [00:15:12] Speaker A: No. It tells you the weight of any object. [00:15:17] Speaker C: Like dragons. [00:15:19] Speaker A: Do dragons tell you the weight of any object? [00:15:21] Speaker C: No. No, I want to know. If I wanted to know the weight of a dragon, would your scale tell me? [00:15:26] Speaker A: If you cut the dragon up into tiny bits? [00:15:31] Speaker C: Oh, you see, I'm not good at reassembling dragons. [00:15:35] Speaker A: Wait it out. If you grew the scale or shrunk the dragon. [00:15:40] Speaker C: But then you would get an inaccurate measure, no. I can't believe you don't understand this about scales. [00:15:47] Speaker A: I think he misunderstands what a scale is. [00:15:50] Speaker B: Oh, these boots. Let me scale the wall. [00:15:52] Speaker C: Oh, speaking of scaling. Yeah, show me. [00:15:57] Speaker B: I do the thing that's. [00:16:00] Speaker C: That's downward. That wall is downward. Oh, that's nothing special. [00:16:05] Speaker B: Which, which wall should I use? [00:16:07] Speaker C: That one over there. [00:16:08] Speaker B: The one above me. [00:16:10] Speaker C: That would be the ceiling. [00:16:13] Speaker B: What if I walk over the boots on the walls? [00:16:15] Speaker C: I don't think you understand how this whole scaling walls thing. [00:16:18] Speaker A: I completely interrupt you. Zephyr. I have a thing that we recently procured. Do you know anything about time magic? [00:16:33] Speaker C: A little bit. [00:16:34] Speaker A: Would you like something that deals with time magic? [00:16:40] Speaker C: Perhaps. [00:16:42] Speaker A: I will give it to you if we get the boots. [00:16:46] Speaker C: Please, go on. Explain more about this item. [00:16:50] Speaker A: So it was used by a witch to ensnare people with time threads. [00:17:01] Speaker B: Don't worry. She's not coming back to get it? [00:17:03] Speaker A: She's dead. [00:17:05] Speaker C: I'm liking this. [00:17:07] Speaker A: So do we have a deal? [00:17:10] Speaker C: May I see the item? May I handle it? [00:17:14] Speaker A: May we handle the boots? [00:17:18] Speaker C: Fair is fair. As long as you don't put them on. [00:17:20] Speaker A: Be fair. We don't even know if they're the right boots we want. [00:17:23] Speaker C: I. I can see that perhaps your eye for eccentricities is not as refined as mine. And he goes over to the glass case and just reaches through it and picks up the boots and pulls them out. [00:17:39] Speaker A: May I? And then can I do some check to make sure these are the right boots? [00:17:43] Speaker C: Sure. What is your nature bonus? [00:17:45] Speaker A: Bad. I have decent crafting. 19 for nature. I have decent arcana. [00:17:53] Speaker C: What Was your crafting? [00:17:55] Speaker A: 22. [00:17:56] Speaker C: Okay. We'll use that. [00:17:57] Speaker A: Okay. [00:18:00] Speaker C: It's hard to say. [00:18:04] Speaker A: Did I fail? [00:18:06] Speaker C: Yes. [00:18:08] Speaker A: I'm going to try to impose order with my affright heritage to take a 10 and just my normal bonus. [00:18:17] Speaker C: In that case, you're. You're looking at the boots and you're trying to figure out, like, are these the ones you're looking for? And then all the rest of you watching, you just kind of see the crystal notes just like. As they've all been kind of spazzing out. They all just like flash as one and alward, you're like, yes, yes, these are the boots you're looking for. You recognize some details in the craftsmanship that would have only really been done by a druid who really understood the materials they were working with on an intricate level. [00:18:47] Speaker A: Okay. And I'm gonna get the spindle that we got from the witch out of my bag and hold it out for him. [00:18:55] Speaker B: Don't let him lick it. [00:18:57] Speaker C: He gingerly takes it between his toady fingers, looks at it closely. This is just a mundane spindle. Albert, what's your perception bonus? [00:19:13] Speaker A: Bad. Give me a second. 23. It's not bad. It's good. [00:19:18] Speaker C: He's unimpressed. [00:19:22] Speaker A: Either you're not as good as you think you are at seeing magical items, or you're lying to me. [00:19:28] Speaker C: Well, if this is some magical implement, how does it work? [00:19:33] Speaker A: I. I just got this like a week, like two days ago. [00:19:37] Speaker C: So maybe you've been ad. [00:19:39] Speaker A: I know how it works. Right? [00:19:41] Speaker C: Yes. [00:19:42] Speaker A: Okay. It just resets one of my focus points. [00:19:46] Speaker C: Yes. [00:19:46] Speaker A: As if I didn't cast the spell even though the spell happened. [00:19:49] Speaker C: Yeah. So the function of it is it refunds a focus point for you. The in world explanation of how is you're like, siphoning off potential futures from them to power yourself up. Okay. [00:20:00] Speaker A: I Mean, I can. I can show you, I suppose, but it would. I don't really want to. [00:20:09] Speaker C: What does it do? [00:20:10] Speaker A: So it's. It uses the sort of like potential timelines to reinvigorate oneself. So after, you know, you cast like a really taxing spell or something, you can do it again almost immediately. So, like, if I were, would you mind if I cast a spell on you? [00:20:32] Speaker C: I would. Very much so, yes. [00:20:34] Speaker A: It wouldn't be harmful. It would just like, hold you for a second, like here. And then I cast mage hand and show him like a normal mage hand. [00:20:41] Speaker C: Oh, you'd like to just hold me, right? Albert, you just tried to cast mage hand. Roll a D20 for me. [00:20:52] Speaker A: Gosh darn it. Is it all magic? 11. [00:20:58] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah. Your mage hand appears. [00:21:00] Speaker A: So, like, this is a normal mage hand. How familiar are you with the spell? [00:21:05] Speaker C: Telekinetic hand? Yes, quite familiar. It's pedestrian magic. [00:21:10] Speaker A: Okay. Even children in the middle of him talking, I'm going to amp my telekinetic hand to have like 12 hands come out and like grab him to hold him still. [00:21:19] Speaker C: Okay. First, go ahead. [00:21:25] Speaker A: It's a four. [00:21:26] Speaker C: It's a four. [00:21:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:28] Speaker C: Okay. One moment, please. One moment. [00:21:30] Speaker A: And it's not a check, so I can't run due time. Did I set the shop on fire? [00:21:44] Speaker C: So he's in the middle of talking and he's like pedestrian magic. Even children can you gesture forward. But instead of all of these hands coming out of nowhere and grabbing him, as you're expecting, all these hands come out of nowhere, grab him, and then stretch him outward until he's standing twice his normal size. That's not how that spell is meant to be cast. [00:22:08] Speaker A: No, you're right, it's not. [00:22:09] Speaker B: Albert, what did you do? [00:22:11] Speaker A: I don't. I think this place is messing with my magic. [00:22:15] Speaker B: Wait, didn't you say the thing could make let you something, could let you cast a second time or something? [00:22:20] Speaker A: I don't think I want to cast it a second time. [00:22:23] Speaker B: You can reverse it, can't you? [00:22:25] Speaker C: No, no, don't worry. I have precautions for this sort of thing. And he walks over to one of the walls and there's like a little glass panel that says, in case of magical emergency, break glass. And he just reaches through the glass and pulls out this canister of like, blue beans and eats one of them and he returns to his normal size. [00:22:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:22:45] Speaker B: Oh, how much are those? [00:22:47] Speaker C: They're not for sale. Not from me. You can probably buy them elsewhere. This is just, you know, I keep them on hand anyway. [00:22:57] Speaker A: And then I'm going to use the item [00:23:02] Speaker C: how and on whom? [00:23:05] Speaker A: What do you mean, on whom? [00:23:06] Speaker C: On whom? [00:23:07] Speaker A: What do you mean? You didn't say I had to use it on somebody. [00:23:10] Speaker C: Well, whose potential futures are you stealing? [00:23:12] Speaker A: I'm gonna look at him and be like, can you. Can you prick your finger on the. [00:23:19] Speaker C: Are you going to do, paralyze me? Make me fall asleep until true love's kiss? [00:23:23] Speaker A: It's very funny, but no, it's not going to do any of that. If you want to know how it works, you have to play along. [00:23:32] Speaker C: I have to admit, I am curious. He reaches out one tootie finger and pricks his finger on the spinning needle. Alward. What you see is suddenly as if your eyes are opened. You just see millions of golden threads spanning out from him. And as they're. They're like drifting in an unseen breeze. And then suddenly, two or three of them just get snagged, pulled downward and spun around the spool of the spinning needle. And then snap off from where they connect to him. And now you can see this glowing thread wrapped around your spindle. Everyone else just sees the toad prick his finger on the spinning needle. And then Alward probably has some look of, you know, I look horrified. And that's it. [00:24:25] Speaker A: I'm sorry. I think I. I don't know what choices I've just stolen from you. [00:24:33] Speaker C: You've definitely stolen the choice for me to be interested in your item. [00:24:38] Speaker A: You don't see it, right? [00:24:41] Speaker B: Do you take money? [00:24:43] Speaker C: No. Money is no use here. It got a little overdramatic. [00:24:51] Speaker B: It could be, maybe. What do you want some. [00:24:57] Speaker C: I don't know. Something amazing, I guess. [00:25:00] Speaker A: I just showed you. [00:25:01] Speaker B: Me too, Keith. Me too. [00:25:02] Speaker A: A spindle that sticks steals potential futures. [00:25:07] Speaker C: You poked me with little wooden poker. [00:25:12] Speaker B: All right, all right. Give me something you want. [00:25:17] Speaker C: Why would. [00:25:17] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. Tell me something. You want one thing. Anything. [00:25:25] Speaker C: Well, I have been wanting a fair dragon to be sort of a home companion. [00:25:34] Speaker B: You want a dragon? [00:25:36] Speaker A: Can't give you a dragon. They're. They're sentient beings of fear. [00:25:43] Speaker B: Yes, but they could also be. [00:25:46] Speaker A: I'm not going to. [00:25:48] Speaker B: It's not like slavery. It's more like employment. Right. [00:25:54] Speaker A: I don't think he's gonna pay the dragon. [00:25:56] Speaker C: But of course you would. One bowl of milk each day with clippings from your choicest meats. [00:26:04] Speaker B: What if. What if. What if we not make a deal? But on our journey, if we were to find this dragon, one that matches your need specifically, we could potentially ask it to join you I'm gonna grab [00:26:30] Speaker A: Zafir and pull him to the side a bit. And it's like, Zafir, you do know. If we don't find that on our journey, I'm going to be the one stuck with this debt, because you both will die in about a hundred years. [00:26:41] Speaker B: See, that's the thing. I'm not going to make a definite. Can he hear me? [00:26:48] Speaker A: What? [00:26:50] Speaker B: I'm not going to make a definite deal. The deal is that we will look, not that we will find. [00:26:58] Speaker D: And the only way we can for sure come back is if we have the boots. [00:27:04] Speaker A: You know what? I'm gonna try against my better judgment. You seem like you got this, Sofia, so go ahead. [00:27:11] Speaker B: Trust me. [00:27:12] Speaker D: I have a backup plan. [00:27:14] Speaker A: Okay. [00:27:16] Speaker D: I don't know if it'll work. [00:27:18] Speaker B: Fine. Sir. [00:27:20] Speaker C: Short. Sir, [00:27:24] Speaker B: I know that we've been trying to just give you items and. And things. I would like to offer the option. We do a lot of exploring, and we are kind of on this mission to. Well, I can't say his name, but we are trying to save the world, and we are going very many places and seeing very many things. And I would like to give you the option. If you let us have the boots, we will look for a potential dragon. [00:28:01] Speaker C: This sounds like a pyramid scheme. [00:28:05] Speaker B: Well, Tupperware doesn't exist. [00:28:09] Speaker C: So what? [00:28:11] Speaker A: It's not a pyramid scheme because we're not asking you to go find dragons for us. [00:28:16] Speaker C: You're asking me to give up my prized boots. [00:28:18] Speaker B: And. Well, I mean, if we don't find the dragon, you can have the boots back. [00:28:24] Speaker C: Well, that seems reasonable. I mean, the moon is going to set in about 10 hours, so that's plenty of time to find a fey dragon, wouldn't you say? [00:28:35] Speaker B: I wouldn't say specifically that. I would say that we will take a look, and if you fail to [00:28:42] Speaker C: find a fey dragon within the 10 hours, you will return my boots. [00:28:46] Speaker B: That was not the plan. [00:28:48] Speaker C: Well, how long are you expecting it to take? [00:28:50] Speaker B: Well, how far do you think we can get in 10 hours? [00:28:53] Speaker C: Really? Well, in town, that's not. [00:28:56] Speaker B: Is there a dragon in town? [00:28:57] Speaker C: Quite probably. It's the New Moon Festival. [00:29:01] Speaker B: That's a good point. [00:29:02] Speaker A: You want us to be your wingman for a dragon? [00:29:05] Speaker C: Pretty much, yes. I'm not. This may come as quite a shock to you, but I'm not exactly the most charming of people when it comes to asking those to stay with me forever. Allow me to demonstrate. And he turns to Zafir. Would you like to stay here forever? [00:29:29] Speaker B: Does it pay well? [00:29:30] Speaker C: Not really. [00:29:31] Speaker A: It pays on a bowl of milk and some scraps of meat. [00:29:35] Speaker B: On a normal day, that might actually convince me. But we're trying to get the boots because we need them to save the world. Including this. Well, your. Your. What is it called? First world, Second world. [00:29:49] Speaker C: Oh, I didn't think my first first world is going to be in any peril of anything facing your world. [00:29:55] Speaker B: Well, see, it's. It's. Fafnir is a fae, right? No, he's just a dragon. [00:30:02] Speaker C: Kinda. Yes and no. [00:30:03] Speaker B: Well, this thing that I can't say the name is, can also go into your world and cause destruction, which is definitely going. [00:30:15] Speaker C: Are you threatening me? [00:30:16] Speaker B: No, we're trying to threaten it. [00:30:18] Speaker A: I'm going to lean over to Neros at this point and be like, do the backup. This isn't going anywhere. Do the backup plan. [00:30:24] Speaker D: Are you sure? [00:30:25] Speaker A: What else can we do? Apart from like maybe offering a scale of faffy? Let's try your thing first. [00:30:31] Speaker B: No, we're not in the woods. I can say his name. [00:30:34] Speaker A: His isn't working. [00:30:35] Speaker B: We're here to kill Fafnir. We're not here. [00:30:38] Speaker C: Oh. Oh, excuse me. Sorry. That was funny. [00:30:45] Speaker B: I'm sure you've heard the news. It's been at least a few new moons since the destruction of Joel. [00:30:51] Speaker C: Oh, I've heard of it, yes. My brother has come by and told me all about this ragged band of adventurers who think they're going to take on Fafnir. But I say mortals. [00:31:01] Speaker B: Has he said anything about their achievements? [00:31:05] Speaker C: I mean, he told me they killed a king. It's easy enough to do. Regicide is common. You know, [00:31:14] Speaker B: I really want to convince [00:31:15] Speaker D: this guy he wasn't a normal king. He was. [00:31:21] Speaker C: Did he go to another school? [00:31:27] Speaker D: I don't want to do this. Nero sighs, walks up to the toad, puts two hands on either side of its face. [00:31:43] Speaker C: I say, what are you doing? [00:31:44] Speaker D: And kisses him. [00:31:49] Speaker A: Albert's just looking at the scene with a very confused cognitive, like this was the plan. [00:31:55] Speaker D: May we please have the boots? [00:31:59] Speaker C: This makes sense now, now, miss. And he kind of pushes you away gently. My offer of permanent residence here was extended to your friend. I am flattered and honestly, a little bit suspicious that you all are taking me for a ride. Trying to bolster my confidence here. Are you offering to be my bride? [00:32:29] Speaker A: Nearest? Please don't do that. We kind of need you. [00:32:33] Speaker D: That did not go as planned. That usually works. [00:32:39] Speaker A: To be fair, it is a toad. [00:32:41] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:32:41] Speaker B: He didn't become a prince. [00:32:43] Speaker C: I'm not quite understanding here. You thought that you Would be able to trade a kiss for the boots. [00:32:49] Speaker B: Yes, Mr. [00:32:51] Speaker A: Shopkeeper is something he does not have. [00:32:54] Speaker C: Well, well, well, well. Hold on. Before we go any further down that road, I might be interested in taking your ability to kiss in trade for the boots. [00:33:06] Speaker D: Taking my ability to kiss? [00:33:09] Speaker A: Does that mean she'll never kiss again? Or are you taking my lips just [00:33:15] Speaker C: that you would be unable to kiss. Allow me to demonstrate. Temporarily. Temporarily? Temporarily. All right, go ahead and try to kiss someone. [00:33:29] Speaker D: Okay. Well, Zephyr, was that an offer? [00:33:31] Speaker B: Where's that lipstick? Did I get the lipstick? [00:33:34] Speaker A: You did get the lipstick. [00:33:35] Speaker B: What does the lipstick even do? I forget? [00:33:36] Speaker A: It gives you a plus one to charm or something like that to diplomacy. [00:33:40] Speaker D: Was that an offer, Zafir? [00:33:42] Speaker B: Yeah, sure. I'm not gonna put the lipstick on. [00:33:45] Speaker D: He tries to kiss Zafir. I guess. [00:33:47] Speaker B: Okay, I put the lipstick on first. [00:33:50] Speaker C: So as Neros is coming in for the kiss. Zafir, you put on the lipstick. Neros, you come in, you grab his face, and you just look at him in the face. [00:33:59] Speaker D: What is happening? [00:34:02] Speaker A: It seems like a very intimate stare. [00:34:04] Speaker D: I don't like this. [00:34:06] Speaker C: That would be the way it is. And then he's holding up a little wooden box. And right here is your ability to kiss. [00:34:12] Speaker D: I have that back. [00:34:13] Speaker A: Neros, I'll give you my ability to kiss. [00:34:15] Speaker C: I don't want your ability. Why not? I haven't tried it yet. Here he opens the wooden box and near us you feel whole again. [00:34:22] Speaker A: Okay. [00:34:23] Speaker B: Are my eyes still red? [00:34:24] Speaker C: Would you like to demonstrate? Let me see if your kisses are worth taking. [00:34:28] Speaker D: Do it. [00:34:29] Speaker A: I. I really. [00:34:30] Speaker D: Do it. [00:34:31] Speaker A: Do it. I've never kissed someone before. Well, that was your chance to try. Outward's gonna give him a little peck. [00:34:41] Speaker C: No, I don't really want your ability to kiss it and keep it. [00:34:44] Speaker A: That's fine. [00:34:44] Speaker D: Do I need to teach you how to kiss? [00:34:45] Speaker A: Please don't. [00:34:46] Speaker B: Oh, sh. Mr. Mr. Shot. What can I call you that's not, I guess, your name. [00:34:51] Speaker C: Well, you might call me Bruno. [00:34:54] Speaker B: Bruno. We don't talk about him. [00:34:56] Speaker D: We don't talk about Bruno. [00:34:59] Speaker B: Mr. Bruno, could we. Your brother. Are you able to have him come here? [00:35:08] Speaker C: I mean, I could invite him over, yes. [00:35:10] Speaker B: Would he be able to? Usually whenever we call him whatever with air quotes, you know, he just appears random and he's able to offer his goods, which we've frequented many times. [00:35:24] Speaker A: You have? [00:35:26] Speaker B: Yeah, we bought his wares. [00:35:29] Speaker A: We did. [00:35:30] Speaker B: I did. [00:35:32] Speaker A: That makes sense. [00:35:36] Speaker D: Elwood disapproves. [00:35:37] Speaker B: He's a wonderful man. I was wondering if you could Possibly. Have him come here within a few seconds and vouch for us. [00:35:47] Speaker C: I mean, not vouch for what? [00:35:52] Speaker B: We will bring the boots back after we use them. That's it. [00:35:59] Speaker C: But I don't want to give them to you. [00:36:01] Speaker B: Well you're not giving them to us, you're lending them to us. [00:36:03] Speaker C: What do I get out of it? [00:36:05] Speaker B: The boots. [00:36:06] Speaker C: But I already have the boots. [00:36:08] Speaker B: But you'll get them back. [00:36:09] Speaker A: If? Aaron looks very hesitant. He's like, if we don't give the boots back, you can have my ability to count. [00:36:18] Speaker C: Your ability to count? [00:36:20] Speaker A: I tell him to the approximation. How many boots are in this room almost immediately? [00:36:27] Speaker C: I say, that is rather impressive. Tell me, how many hours are left before the moon sets? [00:36:41] Speaker A: Can I do this in my head or do I have to cast time sense? [00:36:45] Speaker C: How accurate do you want to be? [00:36:48] Speaker A: I want to be pretty accurate. [00:36:51] Speaker D: Albert, you can't do that. [00:36:53] Speaker A: We're going to give the boots back. So it's fine, okay? He only gets it if we don't bring them back. [00:37:00] Speaker D: But how will he know if we never bring them back? [00:37:04] Speaker B: You know, that is a good paradoxical question. [00:37:06] Speaker A: He's a Fae. He like knows it's fine. 9. [00:37:13] Speaker C: So you cast time sense. [00:37:14] Speaker A: Yep. [00:37:15] Speaker C: And you know that there's exactly 9 hours, 57 minutes and 13 seconds left before the moon sets. [00:37:20] Speaker A: So there's 9 hours, 13. 12. 11, 10. [00:37:26] Speaker C: 9. Quite fascinating. And may I ask, how many fingers am I holding up? He holds up two fingers and at the same time opens a little wooden box and closes it. And Alward. You have no idea how many fingers he's holding up. [00:37:42] Speaker A: Somewhere between two and a million. It's two. [00:37:48] Speaker C: Interesting. And how many friends do you have? [00:37:55] Speaker A: Somewhere between 1 and 5? 7. 6. [00:37:59] Speaker C: Most interesting. You know, I've never really had a mortal ability to count for my collection. [00:38:10] Speaker A: Albert, you only get it if we don't bring the book, the boots back after we've used them for what we need them for. [00:38:20] Speaker C: Lets negotiate terms. [00:38:22] Speaker A: That is my terms. [00:38:23] Speaker C: He sets the little wooden box down on the display counter, equally distant between the two of you, and pulls out a piece of parchment. One loan of George. And who shall I make this out to? [00:38:42] Speaker A: If I am putting my name on that, I want your name on there too. Your real name. [00:38:48] Speaker C: Understandable. On behalf of Demigant. [00:38:53] Speaker A: That's a fun name. [00:38:54] Speaker C: The antiques trader in the shop known as Terrestrial Trinkets. [00:39:01] Speaker D: Demigent. [00:39:02] Speaker C: Demigent. One pair of boots known as the Wild Walkers. Or George. Loaned out to [00:39:15] Speaker A: Alward of. [00:39:18] Speaker C: You could just put Alward his eye glimmers with gold alward Volden. [00:39:26] Speaker A: I hate the fae so much. [00:39:30] Speaker C: Terms of lease. [00:39:35] Speaker A: I don't know how long it's going to take us, but we will either be dead and you can have it upon my death, or we will slay Fafnir. And if we don't return the boots to you by the next full moon, after we slay Fafnir, then you may have them. [00:39:53] Speaker B: Why don't you go like two full moons, so that you know, just in case. [00:39:57] Speaker C: Terms of lease. The shorter of the following. Upon the death of Fafnir, one full moon immediately upon the death of the bearer, or six months. [00:40:19] Speaker A: I do not agree to the six months part. We don't know how long this will take. [00:40:24] Speaker C: Surely such a band of adventurers as yourself, so storied and sung by my brother, would be able to handle this within six months? [00:40:32] Speaker A: You said yourself your brother did not sing our praises. [00:40:36] Speaker C: You seemed very confident of your own abilities not long ago. [00:40:39] Speaker A: No, no, no. We are off to slay Fafnir. But I don't know about confidence. [00:40:47] Speaker B: I'm pretty confident. [00:40:48] Speaker A: Zephyr, you're confident in everything. [00:40:50] Speaker B: True. [00:40:55] Speaker C: I suppose I could extend this period. Oh, where are my manners? He opens the wooden box. Six months. Does that work for you now? [00:41:15] Speaker A: I don't get it. [00:41:17] Speaker D: Your ability to count. Sir, he didn't give it back yet. [00:41:22] Speaker A: Oh, right. [00:41:23] Speaker B: It's like, what is six? What the heck comes after. [00:41:25] Speaker A: See, when the box opens up our. What? No, even. Even less now. No. Very well. [00:41:33] Speaker C: I suppose I could be convinced to extend the terms of this contract if something were to be left in security as collateral. Yes, indeed. [00:41:45] Speaker D: Do we have anything he doesn't want? [00:41:47] Speaker A: Anything we have. [00:41:48] Speaker B: Okay. Give him my boots. [00:41:51] Speaker A: I could give you back your two options. They're just still floating around the thimble. [00:41:57] Speaker B: No, literally. I'll give you the boots. I'll give you my scabbard. [00:42:05] Speaker D: What about this? And Neros takes off her locket. [00:42:09] Speaker A: Oh, no, Nero. She can't give that up as collateral. No. [00:42:16] Speaker C: Term of six years. [00:42:20] Speaker A: If we don't do it in six years, we'd probably be dead. [00:42:26] Speaker C: Should any terms of this contract be forfeit, the locket which is left in security will remain the possession of demigant of the terrestrial trinkets in perpetuity, as will Albert Volton's ability to count. Are these terms agreeable? [00:42:47] Speaker A: I would like a clause that states you will not make it harder for us to find you. [00:42:53] Speaker C: Of course, Demijant is not permitted to interfere with either. The ability of the undersigned to locate him, nor the ability of the undersigned to complete their task in fleshlaying Fafnir. And he nods like, you know, how about that? [00:43:14] Speaker B: What about returning the boots? [00:43:17] Speaker A: Give us that ability regardless. [00:43:18] Speaker B: Oh, that's true. [00:43:20] Speaker A: And then I'll pick up a scroll of something or another that allows me [00:43:26] Speaker B: to travel back straight. Business. Why'd your voice get lower? [00:43:32] Speaker A: It's very serious. [00:43:33] Speaker C: I am very serious. [00:43:37] Speaker A: Are you sure you want to give up the locket? [00:43:43] Speaker D: No. But what other choice do we really have? Cause collateral has to be something of worth and of meaning. [00:43:53] Speaker A: Yeah. I really hate the fae. And Howard's going to sign [00:44:01] Speaker C: Demigent signs as well. And suddenly there are two copies. And he hands one to you, rolls up the other, tucks it into his vest, picks up the locket. Yes, this will be quite a prize to display. I almost hope you don't return. [00:44:25] Speaker D: Is there anything special about that locket that I don't know? [00:44:31] Speaker C: So very human. He looks at the painting on the inside. Who are these people? [00:44:43] Speaker D: My parents. [00:44:45] Speaker B: Ah. [00:44:47] Speaker C: That would explain the delicious sting of grief that it now carries. Well, wait, [00:44:58] Speaker D: you can see both of them? [00:45:01] Speaker C: I can't quite make out all the details, but I can see that there are two figures. He snaps the locket shut, tucks it into his pocket, and then after a thought, laces the chain across the front. Like a pocket watch across his vest. I should say that concludes our business. And he hends the Wild Walkers to alward. Six years. Starts now. Tick tock. And that is where we'll end this episode. And the hero point for this episode goes to Abby. The willingness to give up the ability to kiss. [00:45:49] Speaker D: I don't think she was willing to do that. [00:45:52] Speaker B: I mean, it would. Well, maybe he's getting you out of trouble. [00:45:55] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:45:56] Speaker D: The lack of ability to kiss was actually very distressing because how else is she supposed to kiss Gribs in the future when she finally finds him? [00:46:03] Speaker B: Hugs. Lots of hugs with them big strong arms. [00:46:07] Speaker A: He does have impeccable biceps. [00:46:08] Speaker D: He does have amazing biceps. [00:46:10] Speaker C: But it was a tough one because everybody was critical to sealing this deal. [00:46:15] Speaker D: Sealing with a kiss. [00:46:20] Speaker A: I was. I was thinking of severe walking on the stage. Okay. I like that too. [00:46:25] Speaker B: It's double meaning. I love it. [00:46:29] Speaker D: Anyway. [00:46:31] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, Abby, you get it. I don't think anybody said that she got it. [00:46:34] Speaker A: I did. [00:46:34] Speaker D: Jordy did. [00:46:35] Speaker C: Yeah, Abby gets it. [00:46:37] Speaker B: Okay, thanks. [00:46:39] Speaker D: That was not an easy decision, but I think it was the only one that really kind of got us out of this situation, at least she can get it back. That's the main thing. [00:46:50] Speaker A: Hopefully. [00:46:50] Speaker D: Hopefully he doesn't destroy it. [00:46:53] Speaker A: Or if I die, you get it back too. So that's. [00:46:56] Speaker D: I don't want Alward to die. [00:46:57] Speaker A: I'm just saying if he destroys it, [00:47:00] Speaker B: he breaks the terms of the contract. [00:47:02] Speaker D: That is true. [00:47:03] Speaker A: And then we just get to keep the boots. [00:47:04] Speaker D: That's true. Anyway, I think I'm going to, [00:47:13] Speaker C: I [00:47:13] Speaker D: don't know, come up with an end to that sentence at some point. [00:47:16] Speaker A: So, yeah, we'll check next time you get a hero. [00:47:20] Speaker D: Yeah, [00:47:23] Speaker C: I want to see people in the Discord kind of just talk about what they feel like the party could have given up. Because I. I would love if somebody's like, what about this random thing? And I can just be like, yeah, I would have taken that. [00:47:38] Speaker D: Yeah, I thought about giving up my bottomless sign. [00:47:40] Speaker A: Oh, that would have been fun. Yeah. [00:47:42] Speaker D: But I. I didn't think it was too. I didn't think it was meaningful enough. [00:47:46] Speaker A: I was sitting there thinking, like, how are we such a powerful group of adventures and we have nothing to give this man? [00:47:52] Speaker C: Because I'm not a man. I'm a toad. [00:47:54] Speaker A: That's fair. [00:47:54] Speaker C: And this toad will see you all in the next episode. [00:47:57] Speaker A: Will he, though? [00:47:58] Speaker C: I'll be. I'll be here six years sitting in the background applauding you. This has been an Atomic Broadcasting production. If you enjoyed the show, make sure to give us some support by liking, commenting and following. These things really do make a difference in getting the word out and helping our community grow. Also, make sure to check us out on threads and check out the Discord server where you can chat with other fans and discuss all the recent developments and happenings. Links to all these good things in the description below. The written and the Lost is an original story that uses trademarks and and or copyrights owned by Paizo, Inc. Used under Paizo's Fan Content Policy. Atomic Broadcasting and the Written and the Lost are not published, endorsed or specifically approved by Paizo. For more information about Paizo Inc. And Piezo products, visit paizo.com hope to see you all in the next episode. Until then, have an atomic time. [00:48:56] Speaker A: I really hate the fae. [00:48:57] Speaker D: Yeah.