EP. 80 We're the Monkeys

[00:00:05] Speaker A: You are listening to an atomic broadcasting production. So sit back, relax and enjoy the feature presentation. And remember, do your part. Such as like comment rate and don't forget to tell a friend to tune in for an atomic time. [00:00:31] Speaker B: Now, where did we leave off? Ah, yes. After opening their presents, Val and Neros decided to bring Alward's present to him, while Einar went on a walk. Now the only one of the party. In the tavern, Zaphir was approached by his old criminal contact, who fearfully delivered him a letter. [00:01:03] Speaker C: So that is something that actually frustrates me about the language rules in all TTRPGs. Like if you know a language, you know how to read, write and speak it. When in actuality, people don't learn languages like that. Most of the time they learn how to speak it, then write it and read it. [00:01:21] Speaker D: We don't talk about that. [00:01:22] Speaker B: That. [00:01:22] Speaker C: Okay? [00:01:23] Speaker D: It's just a thing we accept in. In the our TTRPG world, in class. [00:01:28] Speaker E: They teach you how to speak it and how to read it, which is. [00:01:31] Speaker A: Also one of the ways to learn. [00:01:33] Speaker E: Your character knows how to pay attention and learn in class. [00:01:36] Speaker D: This is a fantasy setting. So therefore we are. We can learn languages. [00:01:41] Speaker A: When I learn a language, I want to know how to speak, read and write it. Dad Gummet. [00:01:45] Speaker F: That is an interesting concept though. How to like learning how to read something and how to speak something. How similar. It's very different. But like, if you read something, would you speak it? Sorry, not speak. I meant write, write, write and read a language. [00:02:02] Speaker A: I feel like, would you read it. [00:02:03] Speaker F: First or would you write it first? [00:02:04] Speaker D: Let's experiment. [00:02:05] Speaker E: I think learning a language just gives you a like skull too. Talden dictionary. So you can always just double check yourself. [00:02:12] Speaker F: I meant in real life, bro. [00:02:15] Speaker E: This is real life. [00:02:17] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:02:17] Speaker D: Yeah. What are you saying? [00:02:18] Speaker A: That is. That is how my character works. He has a bunch of dictionaries in front. It's like, okay, skulled to. I mean, that's how Alward works. [00:02:27] Speaker E: He just has a big book that tells him how words work. [00:02:32] Speaker D: So in conclusion, we still need to get Zafir hooked on phonics. [00:02:35] Speaker C: Yes? [00:02:36] Speaker F: Yeah. [00:02:37] Speaker E: Heck yeah. [00:02:37] Speaker F: He's hooked on a lot of other things. [00:02:40] Speaker D: Was not one of them hook it on pahonics. [00:02:44] Speaker C: We can't do that joke line again. [00:02:47] Speaker A: Please stop. I really want to. [00:02:56] Speaker E: I'm confused. [00:02:59] Speaker C: I swear we've talked about this before, but it's an old comedian stand up bit. [00:03:04] Speaker A: It is. [00:03:04] Speaker C: It was like really popular. [00:03:06] Speaker D: Okay, it's funny. [00:03:10] Speaker A: We will show you later. [00:03:11] Speaker E: But let's all Take turns, shifts to teach Zafir how to read. [00:03:15] Speaker C: Alward's already taken the first multiple. [00:03:17] Speaker D: Neros is gonna not. [00:03:18] Speaker E: I'll do it. I'll do it. [00:03:19] Speaker F: I don't need anybody else anymore. [00:03:21] Speaker D: I'm barely literate. [00:03:22] Speaker E: Fine. [00:03:22] Speaker A: I got a book, Mister. [00:03:23] Speaker E: Howdy, dad. [00:03:25] Speaker D: How are you going to learn if you can't read it? [00:03:28] Speaker F: Shows me the pictures. [00:03:29] Speaker A: I don't know. I don't know. If we want Val to teach Zafir how to read, he'll start reading in an accent. Aw, that a bad thing? [00:03:37] Speaker F: So this word. It's harsh. [00:03:39] Speaker D: No, not horse. [00:03:41] Speaker F: It's harsh. [00:03:43] Speaker D: If. If we all saw the Disney Tarzan movie. Jane taught Tarzan how to read and he didn't have an accent. [00:03:50] Speaker E: That's true. Get wrecked. Disney beat you to it. [00:03:53] Speaker C: I. I heard, and I don't know, I heard a rumor that they were actually going to have Tarzan speak in an American accent to the gorillas, but then in a British accent to humans. The humans. That would make sense, but the voice actor couldn't do a convincing British accent, so they scrapped that idea. [00:04:09] Speaker D: That's funny, huh? [00:04:11] Speaker A: I heard a. Oh, what was it? It was. Oh, I heard a German. A German fellow who learned Spanish with someone with a German accent. [00:04:27] Speaker D: Oh, gosh. [00:04:28] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:04:29] Speaker D: Oh, no. [00:04:30] Speaker E: It. [00:04:31] Speaker A: It was as wonderful as you could. You can imagine. [00:04:34] Speaker D: It. It doesn't sound wonderful. [00:04:35] Speaker A: I'm just gonna say amazing. [00:04:37] Speaker E: You know, Sounds like an American saying casadilla. [00:04:44] Speaker F: I told somebody once in high school that German is just French with food in your mouth. [00:04:50] Speaker A: What? [00:04:51] Speaker F: Yeah, if you're speaking French and you put food in your mouth, it basically sounds like you're speaking German. [00:04:55] Speaker C: I don't think that's correct. [00:04:57] Speaker A: Cue me not doing a horrible French accent. [00:05:01] Speaker D: Ha ha. Oui, oui, baguette. [00:05:04] Speaker F: And on the flip side, Oui, wee. Bague. Baguette. [00:05:09] Speaker E: For emails, please send them to petitecastingatomic.com. [00:05:15] Speaker C: We here would like to distance ourselves from that. [00:05:22] Speaker B: All right, Alonsi, we're going to go ahead and pick right back up with Val and Neros as you are returning back to the tavern from the Volden house. I think timeline wise, this is actually going to be right on the tail of the last scene that ended the previous episode is when you would have returned back. [00:05:48] Speaker E: Okay. We probably could have waited till later to give Alward the thing. I don't know how that exactly went. [00:05:58] Speaker D: Huh. [00:06:00] Speaker E: Giving him the present. [00:06:02] Speaker D: You don't know how it went. [00:06:04] Speaker E: I feel like we could have waited a little before giving it to him instead of doing it right away. [00:06:09] Speaker D: No, it's fine. He needed to get it and. Yep, no time like the present. Full present. [00:06:19] Speaker E: That's fair. Let's get you back to the table. [00:06:22] Speaker D: Okay. Actually, I'm gonna go up there. And she points at the bar. You go to the table. Save me a seat. I'll be back. [00:06:31] Speaker E: Are you gonna get more to drink? [00:06:35] Speaker D: I don't know. I might order food. [00:06:38] Speaker E: You should probably eat something. [00:06:40] Speaker D: Okay, I'm gonna go up there. You. [00:06:42] Speaker E: You. [00:06:42] Speaker D: You go over there. [00:06:43] Speaker E: Okay. [00:06:44] Speaker D: See you soon. [00:06:45] Speaker E: All right. Be careful. [00:06:48] Speaker D: I will. And she trips over a nail that's sticking up in the floor. [00:06:54] Speaker E: Val gets dead and, like, starts mending that nail so it's not sticking out for someone to just step on. [00:07:01] Speaker D: Yep. See, look, I'm fine. I'm gonna. Yep. Bye. [00:07:05] Speaker E: That's a safety danger right there. [00:07:07] Speaker D: A safety danger. Put a caution cone on it. [00:07:10] Speaker E: Everyone could have tetanus here. [00:07:13] Speaker D: Mr. Barkeeper, you need to fix your floor. This is a hazard. What if OSHA comes in here? [00:07:23] Speaker C: Fantasy. [00:07:24] Speaker F: Osha. [00:07:25] Speaker E: Neros. I just got it. Fish fixed. It's okay. [00:07:27] Speaker D: Oh, never mind, never mind. See, my good friend is fixing your floor. You should pay her. [00:07:32] Speaker E: No, it's okay. I don't need money. [00:07:34] Speaker D: Something on the house. [00:07:36] Speaker E: I don't really need anything. [00:07:37] Speaker D: Yes, she does. I'll be back. [00:07:39] Speaker B: The barkeep is just standing there like a deer in the headlights. Just like. What is happening? [00:07:45] Speaker E: Val starts going back to the booth. [00:07:49] Speaker B: So, Val, you said you were going back to the booth where you'd left Zafir and Sirdire. So as you walk up, you see Cerdire is, like, just kind of shuffling back through his papers. They're a little bit more collected than they were last time you were there. But he still doesn't look like he's actually planning on leaving anytime soon. Despite what he said last time he left. Zafir, I imagine. And you can correct me if I'm wrong, Petit. I imagine Zafir looks a little bit lost in thought. [00:08:18] Speaker F: I think I will correct you. His thumbs are still on the center of the book. He's been trying at this for hours to try to open that book back up, but he's very. He looks very determined. Maybe he is a little lost in thought, but his eyes are. You can't really tell that he's lost in thought. It's more. He's definitely focused on this book, just wondering why it won't open. And thinking about other things, like the fact that maybe Rusterford could have probably read the letter to him or Albert's mom. [00:08:57] Speaker C: It's not allowed. That my family does. [00:09:01] Speaker E: Val is gonna hop up on the seat next to Zafir with her feet on the seat, and she's gonna sit down on, like, the headrest part of the booth, and she's like, are you still messing with that Zafir? [00:09:15] Speaker F: Oh, oh, oh. [00:09:17] Speaker E: You remember, it's once a day. [00:09:20] Speaker F: I mean, it's tomorrow in another part of the globe. [00:09:23] Speaker E: I don't think that's how magic works. [00:09:26] Speaker F: It could be. Maybe you're sitting in that chair. Wrong. [00:09:29] Speaker E: What? This is fine. [00:09:31] Speaker F: It's. [00:09:32] Speaker B: How do you sit in a chair? [00:09:34] Speaker D: Wrong. [00:09:34] Speaker F: She's sitting on the head. [00:09:36] Speaker E: I've got my feet on the part where you sit and I'm standing up, but I'm seated on the headrest. [00:09:41] Speaker D: You're perched. [00:09:42] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:09:42] Speaker F: See, it's labeled. It says butt right there. Actually, it doesn't say it. It has a picture. No, never mind. [00:09:50] Speaker E: There are indents left over from other people. Yes. I don't know if I'd call that a fake. [00:10:06] Speaker D: Oh, my gosh. [00:10:09] Speaker E: How have things been, buddy? She punches your shoulder. [00:10:13] Speaker F: Oh, well, things have been fine. I got a letter. I have decided not to read it yet. In fact, I was thinking about going into the back and having my bird read it. I don't really want to get him out in a public place. I don't know how he would respond. [00:10:31] Speaker E: Do you want me to read it? [00:10:33] Speaker F: No. [00:10:37] Speaker E: All right. Where'd you get it? [00:10:41] Speaker F: Oh, you know that friend that I was speaking to? [00:10:44] Speaker E: The King of Spades? [00:10:46] Speaker F: Yes. That was his name and mine was not what he called me. [00:10:51] Speaker E: He didn't call you Zephyr like you asked him to? No. Oh, that's unfortunate. We called him Spade. [00:10:58] Speaker F: We named him Spade. [00:10:59] Speaker E: Yes, that's true. [00:11:02] Speaker F: He kind of left quicker than I could say anything, to be honest. [00:11:06] Speaker E: Was it illegal happenings? [00:11:10] Speaker F: Well, I don't know. He just handed me a letter and left. [00:11:13] Speaker E: Oh, so it's Schrodinger's illegal letter. [00:11:17] Speaker F: Well, Schrodinger's letter. You know, Schrodinger, who will be born in many millennia in a different universe. [00:11:23] Speaker E: I guess it could be legal letters. [00:11:25] Speaker F: Legal documents, so to speak. [00:11:27] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:11:30] Speaker F: What have you been up to? [00:11:32] Speaker E: Oh, yeah. We went and gave our his present, and then his mom found out about all the time stuff, and she talked with him in private for a bit, but it seemed okay. She didn't get as mad at him as parents normally do, so, you know, I wouldn't know. [00:11:48] Speaker F: What did he get? [00:11:49] Speaker E: Did I see what you got. [00:11:51] Speaker C: Yeah, I used it in front of you. [00:11:52] Speaker E: What did you. Oh, he got this chalk that made a door, but not through the wall, but like a door to another place. [00:12:00] Speaker F: That's so cool. All I got was a book. I mean, you were there, but right. [00:12:06] Speaker E: Now, that book there. I got a cool violin. [00:12:10] Speaker F: Yes. And it sounds beautiful. [00:12:12] Speaker E: Thank you. [00:12:14] Speaker F: I remember when you played that song. [00:12:18] Speaker E: It was pretty cool. [00:12:19] Speaker F: It was wonderful. If you'll excuse me. I did. Like I said, just remember that Rusterford can read me my letters. I will be right back, actually. [00:12:27] Speaker E: Okay. Let me know if you need me. [00:12:29] Speaker F: I'm going to use the little men's room. [00:12:31] Speaker E: You're gonna do it in the bathroom? [00:12:33] Speaker F: I figure that's probably the most private space. [00:12:36] Speaker E: Well, there's. [00:12:36] Speaker F: I mean, I do have a room here. Where is it at this place. [00:12:41] Speaker E: See, this is where we can stay. [00:12:44] Speaker B: I think that makes sense. Yeah. Cause this is where you were like almost a month ago. For about a month. [00:12:50] Speaker F: So do I have a room? [00:12:52] Speaker B: Not anymore, but we can just say, oh, yeah, you got a room. [00:12:55] Speaker F: Okay. [00:12:55] Speaker B: You've spoken with the barkeep? [00:12:58] Speaker F: I'm still going to go to the bathroom. [00:13:02] Speaker E: Okay. Well, good luck. [00:13:05] Speaker F: If you wouldn't mind sitting here and keeping Cyr Dyer company. He's very well read on the Eritson's. [00:13:14] Speaker E: Oh, that's good. [00:13:18] Speaker F: I should ask first. How's Neros doing? [00:13:21] Speaker E: Very drunk and belligerent. [00:13:23] Speaker F: I heard a noise. Is she all right? [00:13:27] Speaker E: She. She tripped on a net. There was just a nail sticking out of the ground. I fixed it. [00:13:33] Speaker F: I definitely didn't have anything to do with that. [00:13:35] Speaker E: I hope I will be back. It'd be really weird if you did. Hopefully. Yeah. Oh, yep. Hi, Cyrdire. Nice to meet you again. [00:13:48] Speaker B: Yes, we met earlier. Like an hour ago. [00:13:51] Speaker E: I haven't really talked to you, though. [00:13:52] Speaker B: That's true. That's true. So what do you like to talk about? [00:14:01] Speaker E: How do you feel about Pharasma? And Sheldon? [00:14:07] Speaker D: Val tries to convert Seer Tire. [00:14:10] Speaker C: Converting everyone we meet. [00:14:12] Speaker E: I like talking about them. [00:14:15] Speaker B: Well, let me get started. And as he dives in, we're going to go ahead and change angles. Abby, Neros is no longer in the miner's pick. Correct? [00:14:30] Speaker D: You are correct. [00:14:35] Speaker E: Wow. I guess I could have looked over at you. [00:14:40] Speaker F: So how's Neros? She's fine. [00:14:43] Speaker A: She's gone. [00:14:46] Speaker B: What is Neros doing? [00:14:51] Speaker D: So Neros is stumbling down the street and she comes up to the marketplace in her drunkenness. She looks around. She reaches into her satchel and pulls out the present that Uvaire gave her. The barrel of monkeys. [00:15:17] Speaker C: I forgot about that. [00:15:20] Speaker D: Hiding behind something as best as you can when you're drunk and apparently belligerent. She puts her thumb on one of the symbols, the symbol for riot, and essentially casts mad monkeys, using the raucous den option. [00:15:47] Speaker C: Can you remind. [00:15:48] Speaker D: Can you tell us what. [00:15:49] Speaker C: What it does? [00:15:50] Speaker D: The barrel of monkeys? [00:15:51] Speaker C: No, the spell you just got. [00:15:53] Speaker D: Oh. Basically a bunch of rioting monkeys everywhere, wreaking mayhem and havoc all over the place. You know, like the Allstate commercial mayhem. [00:16:04] Speaker C: It's just a bunch of. That guy. [00:16:06] Speaker D: Yep. [00:16:07] Speaker F: Not sponsored. [00:16:08] Speaker D: Not sponsored by all state. [00:16:10] Speaker E: I'm your barrel of monkeys. [00:16:13] Speaker D: So they. They go everywhere, and it's just causing all sorts of havoc. And then she also uses swarm. It's just a swarm of monkeys. A swarm of monkeys. And a riotous monkey party all over the marketplace. [00:16:32] Speaker B: So as Neros places her thumb over that rune and just removes the top of the barrel, it's almost like she'd turned on a faucet of monkeys and they just come spewing out of the barrel. [00:16:43] Speaker C: Faucet of monkeys. Oh, that's terrifying. [00:16:48] Speaker B: The market V very quickly shifts from its bustling commercial attitude to mass mayhem and panic. People are throwing fruit. Monkeys are throwing it right back. One person has his cloak pulled up over his head, like, trying to ward off the monkeys, but he's holding it too close, and he just runs into one of the poles supporting it, and it just collapses. Mayhem and panic everywhere. Neros, you do notice, though, as you're enjoying this chaos that you've created on some of the edges, you see one person who's just kind of pointing in your direction as the epicenter of the monkeys, and they're gesturing to one of the enforcers in their smart uniforms and their rifles. [00:17:36] Speaker D: Oh, this is the town that has guns. [00:17:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:39] Speaker D: Oh, no, I forgot about the pew pews. [00:17:46] Speaker E: That woman on those monkeys, shoot her. [00:17:48] Speaker D: Do I obviously see them? [00:17:51] Speaker B: Yes, you see them pointing in your direction. It doesn't look like they have figured out who it is yet, but they've definitely figured out where the monkeys are coming from. Okay. [00:18:03] Speaker D: Run away. If I tried to use stealth, how much of a minus would I have? [00:18:09] Speaker B: In this situation, the monkeys might actually give you a benefit to going unnoticed. [00:18:15] Speaker D: With how drunk she is. [00:18:16] Speaker B: That would be the caveat. They might cancel each other out. [00:18:22] Speaker D: Neros, seeing that she. Oh, no. I think she's going to try and slip away. [00:18:35] Speaker B: All right, what is your Stealth bonus +2? So you duck behind some crates and you start making your way around the edges of the marketplace. And just when you're getting ready to, like, congratulate yourself on a stealth. While stealthed, you knock over a wicker cage with, like, an exotic bird in it, and it just starts screeching and making a whole bunch of noise that even cuts through the din of the monkeys. And you see one of the enforcers looks in your direction and he hasn't figured out who you are yet, but he sees, like, someone who's obviously trying to sneak in a crowd of people who are usually trying to run. [00:19:22] Speaker D: And in her drunkenness with the. With the birds, it's like, oh, shut up, shut up, shut up. And she's like, trying to get out of, like, the cage and stuff and just is not going well. [00:19:33] Speaker F: Neros accidentally cages herself bird's cage. [00:19:38] Speaker B: So at this point, it looks like there are three enforcers that are making their way through the crowd towards you. What would you like to do? [00:19:45] Speaker C: Is one of them Bob, was that the enforcer we named that helped us with the thing that Neros is charmed. [00:19:52] Speaker B: I don't remember his name, but he is not one of these sad. [00:19:55] Speaker D: I am going to cast figment and create an auditory. An auditory illusion, like, I don't know, across the marketplace. [00:20:08] Speaker B: You can definitely do that. However, I will point out that the monkeys are still being very, very loud, so it may not serve as much of a distraction. [00:20:20] Speaker D: I'm just gonna get up and try to run away. [00:20:23] Speaker B: Gotcha. So you are, or you were at the opposite edge of the market square. So as you get up and you start running, it looks like you've got a pretty clean line of escape. You see an alleyway ahead of you through the monkeys. You are making your way there, when suddenly you lose your balance and you fall. It feels like something tripped you. When you look back, there's an old woman with like, a ratty fuchsia shawl draped around her shoulders, and she is looking at you with an expression that's kind of hard to make sense of in your drunken state. But it almost looks like she feels satisfied with what she's done before. She turns and walks off into the alley just as the enforcers catch up. One of them pulls you to your feet and is like, now what have you done? I. Wait a minute. I know you. [00:21:19] Speaker D: No, you don't. [00:21:21] Speaker B: There's a warrant for your arrest. [00:21:22] Speaker D: There's a what? [00:21:25] Speaker B: And we're gonna go ahead and switch scenes again. [00:21:29] Speaker E: It was you from the future playing a prank on you. [00:21:32] Speaker C: You got it. You Get a very nice shawl in the future. If that's correct. [00:21:36] Speaker D: I don't like pink. [00:21:38] Speaker B: This was an old human woman. [00:21:40] Speaker E: Fuchsia. [00:21:41] Speaker F: Fuchsia. She turns human in the future. [00:21:45] Speaker D: What does an old lady have against Neros youth? [00:21:49] Speaker F: She's jealous. [00:21:50] Speaker E: She hates kids. [00:21:51] Speaker D: Why do I get arrested? [00:21:53] Speaker A: It was her marking. And you have a warrant. [00:21:56] Speaker D: Why do I have a warrant? [00:21:57] Speaker E: Do you know how much crap you've done? [00:21:59] Speaker D: Yes, yes I do. [00:22:02] Speaker F: Public drunkenness. That's what. [00:22:04] Speaker D: Public intoxication. Monkeys, monkey, monkey. [00:22:08] Speaker F: That was a quick warrant. [00:22:12] Speaker D: I mean if they got. No, if they got a warrant that fast. [00:22:16] Speaker B: My brain, when you were like, I'll use the riot option. The only thing my brain wanted to do was just one monkey jumps out of the barrel and goes, hey, riot. Let's start riot. [00:22:29] Speaker E: Flipping table. [00:22:30] Speaker A: Yes, we're going to riot. [00:22:33] Speaker B: We're going to change scenes now. And we are back in the miner's pick in the restroom with Zafir. [00:22:41] Speaker F: Oh. [00:22:45] Speaker D: That'S an odd sentence. [00:22:47] Speaker A: That's an odd sentence. [00:22:48] Speaker B: This is a Zafir scene, so be ready for odd sentences. [00:22:54] Speaker F: And number one, I forgot how to spell monkeys, so I'm writing down monkeys. [00:22:59] Speaker D: M O N K E Y S M O U S E Monkey, mouse. [00:23:07] Speaker C: Everyone's favorite character. [00:23:09] Speaker B: So Zafir, you are in the mining. The miner's pick restroom. [00:23:14] Speaker F: Is this like, like one of those public restrooms where it has just one toilet and it's just kind of open? Or is it like one with like a swinging door and you have like four or five stalls? [00:23:26] Speaker B: So it's one stall with a actually very ingeniously engineered trough that just carries any waste from this into the cistern outside. [00:23:37] Speaker F: So there's a stall, a single stall in a restroom. [00:23:42] Speaker B: It's more like just one room that has just one place to sit. [00:23:45] Speaker F: Okay, that was what I was thinking. [00:23:47] Speaker B: It's an in house. [00:23:48] Speaker F: In house. Okay, so is there a lock on this door? [00:23:55] Speaker B: Yes. [00:23:56] Speaker F: Okay. He turns around after walking in and he. He closes the door, locks it and just. Man, I'm trying to figure out because is there a mirror in this bathroom? [00:24:09] Speaker B: No, not in the miner's pick. [00:24:10] Speaker F: So we can't summon Bloody Mary. [00:24:12] Speaker B: Now there, there once was a mirror, but it broke within five hours and the tavern keep was like, oh, that was a bad idea. [00:24:22] Speaker F: I will. I will go up to where the mirror was and just look intently into the wall and pull out the letter and then open up my little cloak. I keep forgetting what it's called and go, Rustaford, will you Come out. [00:24:46] Speaker B: Rustaford flutters out and then lands on the edge of the basin that's been placed in there for washing up. [00:24:56] Speaker F: We've been together for a while, right? [00:24:59] Speaker B: Yes. In fact, it's an unspecified amount of time. [00:25:03] Speaker F: Exactly. And I figure we're pretty close, right? [00:25:08] Speaker B: Yes, very. [00:25:09] Speaker F: Always. You're like, less than a few inches from me, usually. [00:25:13] Speaker B: I am always in your shadow. [00:25:16] Speaker F: I am a shadow. Don't forget that. So I have this letter and I hold out the letter to him, and I don't want you to tell anyone this. Rastaforden, I can't read it. [00:25:35] Speaker B: He looks around to make sure no one's listening and goes, you can't read. I am shocked. [00:25:51] Speaker C: I love Rusterfoot. [00:25:54] Speaker F: I know there are lots of things I can do. This is just one of those things that I never had the chance. [00:26:04] Speaker B: Of course, we all have our own strengths. [00:26:09] Speaker F: You know my backstory. I never got the chance. So just bear with me here. I need you to read it, if you will. At least the outside first, so I can know who he's from. There's no pictures. [00:26:25] Speaker B: There's also no writing on the outside. Outside it's a blank envelope. [00:26:29] Speaker F: Then how on earth did they mail it? Well, through a person, I guess that makes sense. All right. And I open up the. I open up the letter and hold it in front of him. [00:26:45] Speaker B: And with Rusterford assisting you, I'm going to go ahead and just send you petite the text of that letter. For the sake of drama, we're going to go ahead and leave the contents of that secret for now. Audience, if you want to stick around at the end of the episode, you'll find out what that says. But for the moment, that will just be known to Rusteford and to Zafir. [00:27:12] Speaker F: So after Rustaford finishes reading this letter, I just look at him and say. So it didn't have any names or anything specific in them? [00:27:26] Speaker B: No. It seems that whoever wrote this letter had assumed you would know who had sent it. [00:27:33] Speaker F: Do you have any ideas? Because I'll be honest, I know a lot of people who would use this wording. [00:27:44] Speaker B: Well, forgive my presumptuousness, but there is one associate of yours that does reference rabbits. [00:27:53] Speaker F: Well, yes, but I didn't think he could write Zephyr. [00:28:00] Speaker B: And he places a wing on your shoulder. Many people can write. It's not as hard as it seems. [00:28:14] Speaker F: You can hop back in my shadow now. [00:28:17] Speaker B: I figured as much. [00:28:19] Speaker F: Hey, if you want to get out, that's fine. Just let me know, please. [00:28:24] Speaker B: No, No, I wouldn't want to put you out. [00:28:26] Speaker F: He hops into your shadow holding the letter. I. I fold it into like three or four folds, no more than seven because that's humanly impossible. And then I use. Is it called produce flame now or ignite? [00:28:47] Speaker B: Ignite. [00:28:47] Speaker F: I've not used my spells in so long. I ignite and I just burn the letter and then I throw it into the basin that the waste goes out of and I try to make sure it flows away the ashes. And then I will unlock the door and come out of the bathroom and I'll shake my hands and like rub it up against my. My shirt to emulate. Like I just washed my hands. Because, you know if you walk out of the bathroom and not have wet hands, that is a red flag. [00:29:25] Speaker B: As you're walking out, there's just some guy like leaning against a post and he like sniffs a bit and goes, oh, was a doozy. E. [00:29:38] Speaker C: Pause for Abby and Sven to die. [00:29:43] Speaker F: You have no idea how much it burned. So as he finishes this wonderful interaction with this random bar patron or tavern patron, he actually walks up to the bar and hails over the bartender and. [00:30:07] Speaker B: He walks up with like a hammer in one hand and sets it down. Is like, yes. [00:30:12] Speaker F: Oh, sorry about that. Do you make stews at all? [00:30:17] Speaker B: Ah, yes. [00:30:18] Speaker F: Do you have any rabbit stew? [00:30:21] Speaker B: Not, no. We do rabbit stew occasionally, but it's not something I usually have on the menu. [00:30:29] Speaker F: So. You don't have any? [00:30:31] Speaker B: No, not. Not today. [00:30:33] Speaker F: Where do you think I could get some? [00:30:34] Speaker B: Well, you'd probably have to hunt your own rabbits. [00:30:40] Speaker F: Alright, well, that's all I need. Thank you. [00:30:42] Speaker B: Of course you didn't want anything to drink? [00:30:44] Speaker E: You. [00:30:45] Speaker B: You seem a little pale. [00:30:47] Speaker F: I'm. I'm always pale. [00:30:51] Speaker B: I meant no offense. You know, Picks up the hammer. I'm just gonna go fix the floor again. [00:30:57] Speaker F: You're not the first tavern owner that's on my list. The other one's a fairy. And then he's gonna go sit down with Val and Cyrdyr. [00:31:11] Speaker E: Welcome back. You're just in time for our deep philosopher conversation. [00:31:19] Speaker F: Oh, what are you talking about? [00:31:21] Speaker B: The disjunction of the various organized religions in our society and how there are different overlaps of different methods of worship. But all of them can be confined to a singular idea. It's a lot to get into. Let me start at the beginning. [00:31:40] Speaker F: There is a wonderful question I've actually liked asked about that. [00:31:43] Speaker B: Of course. [00:31:44] Speaker F: What would happen if you killed all of the deities? [00:31:54] Speaker E: Technically, I mean, that will happen. It happened before, technically. [00:31:59] Speaker B: Exactly. Right. [00:32:01] Speaker E: Well, it's a whole thing with Pharasma and Grotes. Grotes is the God of the end times Apocalypse. He's the moon, and his whole thing is the end of the world. And Pharasma is all about preserving that. But it's said now. I can't confirm it, of course, but it's often talked about being that Pharasma's potentially the last survivor from the last cycle, and that Grotes will eventually be accomplished and all life will end and they'll start anew in a beautiful new flourish. [00:32:37] Speaker B: Are you interested in the worship of Grotis Zephir? [00:32:40] Speaker E: Please don't. No new Grotes worshipers around, please. [00:32:44] Speaker B: I went through a Grotus phase, but I've grown out. [00:32:50] Speaker D: It's not a phase, Mom. [00:32:51] Speaker F: I'm very confused. What happens if Grotes dies? [00:32:55] Speaker E: I don't think he can. [00:32:56] Speaker F: Well, you said that the rest of them. I mean, if you can kill all. [00:32:59] Speaker E: Of them except for him, so presuming. So another part of the idea is that he kind of cleans everything up after everyone's dead, and then sort of just ceases to exist. But then there's actually one survivor. Who then is around for when the cycle in the universe recycles itself. [00:33:17] Speaker F: You know, I've had a few friends like that who cleaned up after everyone died, but there's usually no survivors. [00:33:22] Speaker E: I clean up after a lot of parties, and occasionally there's a person or tea hanging around, so it's usually why I'm at the party. [00:33:33] Speaker F: Can a mortal kill these gods? [00:33:37] Speaker E: Ooh. I mean, to be fair, we're in a time when that we can't say stuff as certain anymore. After Eredin died not too long ago, a prophecy has been broken, so anything could really happen. But I wouldn't imagine someone like us could have the ability to do something like that. It'd take something probably closer, like Whispering Tyrant or something like that. And even he's tried and failed some. And you know, Val, I don't mean. [00:34:12] Speaker F: To cut you off, even though I started the conversation. Is Alward and his family still at your father's house? [00:34:20] Speaker E: Yeah, why? [00:34:22] Speaker F: Could you get them out as soon as possible? [00:34:24] Speaker E: Why is that? [00:34:25] Speaker F: I mean, as soon as a few hours from now. [00:34:29] Speaker E: Why? What happened? [00:34:31] Speaker F: There may be something coming, and I'm very concerned for them. [00:34:36] Speaker E: What are you talking about? Zafir, could you be clear, please? [00:34:40] Speaker F: I'm not necessarily at liberty to say, considering they could hear. [00:34:50] Speaker E: So this is the letter? [00:34:52] Speaker F: Possibly. I mean, what Letter? There is no letter. [00:34:58] Speaker E: Oh, she mimes like, do I need to read this letter? [00:35:04] Speaker F: There is no letter. [00:35:06] Speaker E: Oh, okay. We can get them out. Sure. You want to come with me? [00:35:12] Speaker F: No, I cannot come anywhere near there. [00:35:15] Speaker E: And I'll get near us and Valak servers like Nero. Does anyone see my friend Nerus go anywhere? [00:35:26] Speaker B: The one guy who is leaning against the wall by the bathroom is like, oh, that pale girl. She left right after she came in. [00:35:34] Speaker F: What is with all of you calling us pale? You're so rude in here. [00:35:38] Speaker E: It's kind of rude. [00:35:39] Speaker B: The bartender just stands up from behind the bar with a couple nails in his mouth and a hammer, and he's like, that was a misunderstanding. [00:35:52] Speaker F: Just kind of waves him off. [00:35:53] Speaker E: Okay, yeah, we can get going. Sure. [00:35:58] Speaker F: I'm going to disappear for a little bit. [00:36:05] Speaker E: Zafir, we're all still here. You don't have to do anything rash on your own. [00:36:13] Speaker F: Trust me. I'm not doing anything rash. I'm trying to help in the best way possible because I. Where I am is where the most problem is, and I don't want to bring that on Alwood's family. You Neros or you ser. Dire. I'm sorry. Oh, as well as Einar. I haven't seen him in a while. [00:36:35] Speaker E: What? He's not here either? Val starts furiously writing that something down, and she's like, hold on a second, Saphir. All right, here, step outside with me. [00:36:48] Speaker F: Okay. We'll be back. See you, Dyer. I maybe, I don't know, don't plan on it. [00:36:54] Speaker B: All right. [00:36:56] Speaker E: Have a nice night, friend. [00:36:59] Speaker B: You. You as well. With whatever terrifyingly horrible thing you're all getting wrapped up in. [00:37:05] Speaker E: That's okay. I'm gonna do something interesting. As she steps outside, she calls Sigurd. And when Sigurd comes down, she hands her the letter that I just wrote. The letter that I just wrote. I hand it to her and I tell her, go find Alward. And then I turn to Zafir, and I'm gonna try and get very close to you. She's not thinking very much about anything. So she's very taller than you, and she's like. She kneels down right in front of you, very close to you, like a. [00:37:43] Speaker F: Father consoling their son. [00:37:45] Speaker C: That's how you talk to short people. You kneel on their level. [00:37:48] Speaker E: And she takes your hand. And then you hear the clicking sound of her putting a handcuff on your wrist. And a handcuff on her wrist. [00:38:00] Speaker D: Where did you get handcuffs? [00:38:01] Speaker E: I've had handcuffs. [00:38:02] Speaker A: He's had handcuffs. [00:38:03] Speaker E: I brought it up before, I'm pretty. [00:38:06] Speaker C: Sure, in the Yelp Troll forge. [00:38:08] Speaker D: Oh. [00:38:10] Speaker F: Belle, what are you. What are you doing? [00:38:12] Speaker E: I promised I'd help you, and it seems like you're about to do something very potentially dangerous to yourself by yourself. And I'm here to help you. [00:38:21] Speaker F: I'm. I'm just. I'm going rabbit hunting. [00:38:27] Speaker E: That doesn't seem like you. You don't go hunting creatures. Is this. Is this a code? [00:38:33] Speaker F: No, this is not a code. I need some rabbit stew. And I am very concerned because I think something is going to happen regardless of if I'm there or not, and I just need to be out of the way. [00:38:52] Speaker C: I feel like Zafir misunderstood the letter, and I love that for him. [00:39:00] Speaker E: Zafir, I'm very confused. I know you're confused, but I'm very worried about you. [00:39:08] Speaker F: Likewise. Let's. I guess if we're in this together. Tally ho. [00:39:20] Speaker E: All right, sure. My stand up. [00:39:25] Speaker F: And I guess is my arm just being, like, yanked up like, a foot above my head? [00:39:33] Speaker E: More or less. Do you want, like. [00:39:35] Speaker D: Do you want some stilts? [00:39:37] Speaker F: No, that would impede my movement so much. [00:39:40] Speaker E: Here, I'll just. She just kind of leans like she's crouched a little bit. [00:39:44] Speaker F: Okay. I saw some nice hunting grounds out further than the thing outside of the town, whatever that's called. Forest, more or less. That works for it. [00:39:58] Speaker E: Yellow lands. [00:40:00] Speaker F: Let's go that way. [00:40:02] Speaker E: Okay, sure. [00:40:04] Speaker F: The outskirts. That's the word I was looking for. [00:40:07] Speaker E: The Outlands. [00:40:08] Speaker D: The Outlands is close enough. [00:40:12] Speaker B: And that's where we're gonna end this episode. [00:40:14] Speaker E: Oh, fun. [00:40:15] Speaker F: Oh. [00:40:16] Speaker B: Does anybody have room for a hero point? Nope, I don't think so, because I think everybody's full. [00:40:22] Speaker C: Yeah, I think we just, I guess, skip out on. [00:40:24] Speaker E: That's what heroes do. [00:40:26] Speaker F: I mean, you could just say combat recently. [00:40:29] Speaker B: So the hero point for this episode goes to the barkeep for making sure that the floors are safe. [00:40:35] Speaker E: Oh, he didn't. [00:40:36] Speaker B: There are no nails. [00:40:37] Speaker E: Did you fail the hero? [00:40:38] Speaker A: Remember, he popped up from behind the counter. [00:40:40] Speaker B: When it was pointed out to him, he immediately started repairing the floor. [00:40:43] Speaker F: Well, he needs to put a mirror in the back. [00:40:45] Speaker C: It is a reminder that not all. [00:40:47] Speaker E: Heroes wear capes, but they do wear aprons. [00:40:49] Speaker D: He was threatened by osha. [00:40:52] Speaker E: That's true. Val actually has a certificate with osha, so it helps out. [00:40:56] Speaker B: Well, I'd like to thank all of you, especially Val, for bringing this to my attention. I'm gonna make sure that this tavern is, well, safe, and there's nothing to trip on. And oh, ah, I guess I'm gonna go do some house repays. [00:41:09] Speaker F: Not on my watch. [00:41:11] Speaker B: And we'll see you all in the next episode. [00:41:13] Speaker F: Bye. [00:41:18] Speaker B: Listeners. Now that the rest of the team is gone from the table and it's just you and me here, I can let you in on what the details of Zafir's letter were. If you like secrets, if you like the mystery and the intrigue, this is your warning to tune out now. [00:41:42] Speaker G: My fellow hunter, I hope this letter finds you well. While it hasn't been very long since our last meeting, I do look forward to seeing you again. The promise of the conclusion of our deal with which has been many years in the making, let's just say I find myself challenged to continue waiting. Which reminds me, as I passed through this lovely town of Tom Grove, I happened across a lovely brace of rabbits. Excellent hunting if you ask me. Unfortunately, I have some business to attend to today, so I beg your forbearance as I must delay our meeting. However, should you still be in town tomorrow evening, I plan to attend a dinner at the home of a mutual acquaintance. Should you attend, I'm sure you will make the most delicious rabbit stew. If not, I suppose I can cook for myself. As always, I am your end and you are my beginning. And we'll see you all in the next episode. [00:43:18] Speaker B: This has been an Atomic Broadcasting production. If you enjoyed the show, make sure to give us some support by liking, commenting and following. These things really do make a difference in getting the word out and helping our community grow. Also, make sure to check us out on threads and check out the Discord server where you can chat with other fans and discuss all the recent developments and happenings. Links to all these good things in the description below the Written in the Lost is an original story that uses trail trademarks and or copyrights owned by Paizo, Inc. Used under Paizo's Fan Content Policy. Atomic Broadcasting and the Written and the Lost are not published, endorsed or specifically approved by Paizo. For more information about Paizo, Inc. And Piezo products, visit paizo.com hope to see you all in the next episode. Until then, have an atomic time. We're going to go ahead and change angles. [00:44:09] Speaker E: So now from Seer Dyers looking at. [00:44:12] Speaker F: Val to a man in the corner. [00:44:15] Speaker A: In a dark cloak smoking a pipe. [00:44:19] Speaker F: A wizard is neither late nor early. He arrives precisely when he needs to. [00:44:24] Speaker E: Your shift started 30 minutes ago. [00:44:27] Speaker F: I wanted less pay today.